12-24-2013, 07:16 AM
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#81
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I am my own mechanic....
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 3,432
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A vulture tries to board a plane with a dead raccoon under each wing.
Stewardess says " I'm sorry, only one carion per passenger..."
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'04 Boxster S 50 Jahre 550 Spyder Anniversary Special Edition, 851 of 1953, 6-sp, IMS/RMS, GT Metallic silver, cocoa brown leather SOLD to member Broken Linkage.
'08 VW Touareg T-3 wife's car
'13 F150 Super Crew long bed 4x4 w/ Ego Boost
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12-24-2013, 08:28 AM
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#82
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Chicago
Posts: 141
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark_T
How many ants does it take screw in a light bulb?
Two - the trick is getting them in there.
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Black on Black 2001 Boxster Base
Clutch Masters Stage III Clutch
Luk Flywheel // IMS Retrofit // Rear Main Seal
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12-24-2013, 02:28 PM
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#83
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Seattle
Posts: 735
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It's Christmas Eve and a guy sees three working girls on the corner. He pulls up, rolls down the window, and exclaims , "HO, HO, HO, Merry Christmas!"
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2000S Ocean Blue Metallic- 116K
3X Water Pump, Clear side markers, Crios Mod, Front engine mount, Flywheel, clutch, RMS, AOS, MAF, serpentine belt, power brake vacuum line, battery, 2X CV boots, Fuel filter, Oil filler tube, 3X ignition switch, 90K service, gas cap, Coolant tank
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12-25-2013, 11:36 AM
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#84
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2005, Tiptronic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Austin, Texas
Posts: 61
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What's the best time of day to go to the dentist?
2:30
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12-25-2013, 12:26 PM
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#85
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Registered User
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Chandler, AZ
Posts: 1,796
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Snowman
What's the best time of day to go to the dentist?
2:30
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That's the appointment time I had to get my wisdom teeth pulled. Haha.
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03 Carrera
02 Boxster S Guards Red, black interior with matching hardtop
89 Carrera 4
89 944 S2
78 911SC
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12-26-2013, 05:38 AM
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#86
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 560
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Car Joke!
Guy walks into my parts store. Says "I need a gas cap for a Kia."
I said, "Okay, sounds like a fair trade".
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2009 Porsche Boxster - Guards Red/Tan
Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary… that’s what gets you. – Jeremy Clarkson
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12-26-2013, 06:39 AM
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#87
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Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Winnipeg MB
Posts: 2,485
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The salesman at the dealership said the same thing when i told him I wanted to get a decent used Cayenne for my wife. Unfortunately we were unable to come to terms on the amount of cash I would have to throw in.
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'99 black 986
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12-26-2013, 07:22 AM
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#88
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 34
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A cannibal was late to a luncheon. They gave him a cold shoulder.
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12-28-2013, 09:09 PM
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#89
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: or
Posts: 99
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Overheard at a bar;
Patron #1 You know I f'd your momma and she loved it!
Patron #2 Oh jeez you're drunk again. Why don't you get a cup of coffee and go home dad?
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01-05-2014, 08:03 PM
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#90
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Registered User
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Chandler, AZ
Posts: 1,796
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What do you call someone who speaks three languages?
Trilingual
What do you call someone who speaks two languages?
Bilingual
What do you call someone who speaks one language?
An American.
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03 Carrera
02 Boxster S Guards Red, black interior with matching hardtop
89 Carrera 4
89 944 S2
78 911SC
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01-06-2014, 04:27 AM
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#91
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,022
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueStar
A cannibal was late to a luncheon. They gave him a cold shoulder.
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Which reminds me of an old one...
"Did you hear they cancelled the football game at the leper colony? Yeah, had to...there was a hand off at the 40 yd line."
In the same vein...
"Did you hear they also had to cancel their ice hockey game? Yeah, no choice...there was a face off at center ice."
Politically incorrect? Of course...most really funny jokes are! 
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01-06-2014, 02:17 PM
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#92
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Registered User
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Omaha
Posts: 2,936
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Do you know why cannibals don't eat clowns?
They taste funny.
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GPRPCA Chief Driving Instructor
2008 Boxster S Limited Edition #005
2008 Cayman S Sport - Signal Green
1989 928 S4 5 spd - black
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01-06-2014, 02:54 PM
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#93
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Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Winnipeg MB
Posts: 2,485
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Uh-oh... pretty soon we'll be down to the "guy with no arms and legs" jokes
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'99 black 986
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01-06-2014, 03:08 PM
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#94
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Beginner
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Houston
Posts: 1,659
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So a guy walks into a restaurant every morning carrying a legless dog wearing a leash and collar. Finally the waiter asks him, "What's your dogs name?", and the man replies "Racer.". "Why Racer?" the waiter asks. Because every morning we go out for a drag, the man replies.
Just doing my own little part moving us a little closer to "guy with no arms and legs" jokes.
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2003 S manual
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01-06-2014, 03:13 PM
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#95
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Beginner
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Houston
Posts: 1,659
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And since I'm still here...
Three words you never want to hear when making love...
Honey, I'm Home!
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2003 S manual
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01-06-2014, 03:28 PM
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#96
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Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,746
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Frodo
Which reminds me of an old one...
"Did you hear they cancelled the football game at the leper colony? Yeah, had to...there was a hand off at the 40 yd line."
In the same vein...
"Did you hear they also had to cancel their ice hockey game? Yeah, no choice...there was a face off at center ice."
Politically incorrect? Of course...most really funny jokes are! |
All right, you made me do it.............
What did the leper say to the Prostitute?
Keep the Tip................ 
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01-06-2014, 05:40 PM
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#97
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Beginner
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Houston
Posts: 1,659
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I nominate coreseller as having the most tastless joke on this string (not that I haven't already repeated it) Are there any seconds?
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2003 S manual
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01-06-2014, 06:57 PM
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#98
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Registered User
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Agoura Hills (LA) So.Cal.
Posts: 1,574
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jamesp
Just doing my own little part moving us a little closer to "guy with no arms and legs" jokes.
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My favorites; Skip, Bob, Matt, Frank, Bill and more. And don't forget what you call a women with one leg.... Ilene.
__________________
1995 Porsche C4 Cab
2016 BMW M2, 6 Speed LBB - ED 7/2016
1997 993 Cab - Sold; 1997 993 Turbo - Sold
2001 Boxster S - Original Owner - 30K Miles -SOLD
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01-06-2014, 07:51 PM
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#99
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I am my own mechanic....
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 3,432
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuck W.
My favorites; Skip, Bob, Matt, Frank, Bill and more. And don't forget what you call a women with one leg.... Ilene.
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I know a guy with one arm and one leg. He's my half brother....
__________________
'04 Boxster S 50 Jahre 550 Spyder Anniversary Special Edition, 851 of 1953, 6-sp, IMS/RMS, GT Metallic silver, cocoa brown leather SOLD to member Broken Linkage.
'08 VW Touareg T-3 wife's car
'13 F150 Super Crew long bed 4x4 w/ Ego Boost
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01-07-2014, 05:01 AM
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#100
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Maine, USA
Posts: 126
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Man to wife: Remember when we first got married? We lived in a cheap apartment, drove a junk car and had no money in the bank but I got to sleep with at 23 year old hot chick. Now we have a $500,000 house, a new $40,000 car and a big savings account but I'm sleeping with a 68 year old grandmother. I don't think you are holding up your part of the bargain.
Wife to husband: OK, go find yourself a 23 year old hot chick and you will once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a junk car and have no money in the bank.
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