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Old 11-19-2006, 05:36 AM   #1
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The NewAge Politically Correct Porsche Prayer

I was told just to start a new thread. THe Original New Testament Prayer is under the Porsche Prayer.



Dear mother earth. We worship you because you begat us and no one and nothing else. We worship your dirt, trees and water for these are the elements of life.

Thank you for my newest Tofu colored Porsche given to me by my companion for the Winterfest. WE’ve just celebrated our 117th Sundial week anniversary. The keys were wrapped right under the Winterfest tree. My companion and I sang Winterfest songs, Drank winterfest egg nog made from organic chickens who were not slaughtered or used for cosmetic purposes, and ate winterfest cake baked in our sun oven.

Mother earth, forgive the streetcorner independent, unlicensed pharmaceutical distrubutors in the urban centers whom I roll up to on weekends in my Porsche, for they haveth no choice, b/c there’s no jobs out there because of that evil man in the Whitehouse. Except protect my independent, unlicensed pharmacuetal distributer who provides necessary temporary relief for these stressful times of unemployment, stockmarket depression, starvation and hate. After all, this is such a horrible country.

Bless my Medical Marijuana faith healer who also drives a porsche. And thank you for letting him provide me with legal prescriptions of Xanax, Nebutal, Vicodin and Oxicondin in full-strength 250mg tabs, 250 count, with 12 refills. I thank you for my healer, especially when my inner city pharmacuetical distributer is incarcarated for “crimes” aginst “society.”

Bless and protect all living things, but also bless my Porsche. Bless the leather seats which give me comfort and look great, and forgive the evil profiteering murderer who killed a cow to procure it. The good thing is I’m sure the leather came from an organic cow raised on natural grass with his own private bathing facilities. After all, the grain in the leather resembles the beangrass I make my tea out of.

Forgive the evil money hungy harmdoers who destroy the greenery of your earth. Forgive the loggers. And thank you for me and my companions new Loghouse.
Forgive the farmers who grow your greenery only to kill and exploit their product to sell at the markets. But thank you for my Pumpkin/Dandelion spice frappachino.

In the future please amalgamate a Prius and a Boxster so I feel better about driving to my Pilates classes. Forgive me for using a plastic cushion during those classes instead of pesticide-free-raised cotton. Plastic is a by-product of oil, and oil is simply evil. Somehow bless the makers of Prius’ even though battery production is caustic, involves child-slave labor, and devastates the enviroment. Your creation, Mother Earth.

Please get rid of all guns, weapons and violence, because they never solved anything except slavery, fascism and communism. However protect my bodyguard and please allow his pistol permit to be renewed for another 3 years like Rosie O’Donnell’s did.

Finally, Mother Earth, as I walk through thy forests on my hemp slippers, forgive all of those who say one thing and do another.

Amen.

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Old 11-19-2006, 10:10 AM   #2
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Dear LORD,

please put a stop to these ridiculous Prayer Threads!

They make a mockery of any true worship, completely waste Bandwidth, and could not be more off-point for an Auto Appreciation Forum!

Happy Motoring!... Jim'99
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Old 11-19-2006, 10:38 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MNBoxster
Dear LORD,

please put a stop to these ridiculous Prayer Threads!

They make a mockery of any true worship, completely waste Bandwidth, and could not be more off-point for an Auto Appreciation Forum!

Happy Motoring!... Jim'99
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Forgive me. But that's why they're in the GENERAL DISCUSSION and not performance.

As far as the posts being a mockery of true worship, THEY WER"ENT MEANT TO BE WORSHIP, only SATIRES. Get it!! If you want worship, then go to church, cathedral, synagogue, mosque, or an adobe platform in the Arizona desert!!

If you think they're a waste of bandwidth, then just don't read the damn thing! Especially since we have posts about TV, sex and nature, politics. All in a "Auto Appreciation Forum."
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Old 11-19-2006, 10:48 AM   #4
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Dearest Jeff,

Going forward, please refrain from posting on this forum unless your vehicle has experienced one or more of the following conditions:



or;




or;



unless:

A. You truly hate your vehicle and exist solely to frighten those who don't.

B. You are of a different membership class who is permitted to post whatever the hell you want.

Thank you,

Management
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Last edited by Grizzly; 11-19-2006 at 08:53 PM.
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Old 11-19-2006, 02:22 PM   #5
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wooo did i miss anything here?


* i just sneak out of my wifeys sight to use computer...still spending time with her...hehehehehe
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Old 11-19-2006, 05:18 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grizzly
Dearest Jeff,

Going forward, please refrain from posting on this forum unless your vehicle has experienced one or more of the following conditions:
A. You truly hate your vehicle and exist solely to frighten those who don't.

B. You are of a different membership class who is permitted to post regarding such topics as:

1) all of the celebrities they've met, dined and cavorted with
2) being surveilled at a taco stand
3) whatever the hell else they want

Thank you,

Management
----------------------------------------

Dear Sir,
I am all of the above, none of the above, and my frayed wires touch nerves of all sorts.
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Last edited by jeffsquire; 11-19-2006 at 05:20 PM.
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Old 11-19-2006, 07:01 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grizzly
Dearest Jeff,

Going forward, please refrain from posting on this forum unless your vehicle has experienced one or more of the following conditions:

( images removed )

unless:

A. You truly hate your vehicle and exist solely to frighten those who don't.

B. You are of a different membership class who is permitted to post regarding such topics as:

1) all of the celebrities they've met, dined and cavorted with
2) being surveilled at a taco stand
3) whatever the hell else they want

Thank you,

Management
Ok guys, let’s not pick on MNBoxster. He is entitled to his opinion, just like everyone else . He has provided more technical advice and knowledge on this forum that anyone else. It seems like every time he “speaks his mind” everyone jumps all over him. I guess every group needs a “bad guy” which seems the be the part Jim often plays ( and seems to enjoy ). It is the camaraderie with fellow Boxster owners, the plethora of information I have learned about this great car, and all the other useless, random, and entertaining junk that make me log into this crazy forum on a daily basis. If all we did is talk about technical stuff ( like the Mercedes and Jaguar forums I have been a member of ) I doubt that many of us would be inclined to keep coming back on a daily basis.

Just my $0.02

Nick
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Old 11-19-2006, 08:05 PM   #8
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2x
We will all headbutts but guy's let us not take it personally and please let's be careful on how we deliver the message or the comment. We are all adults in here ( i think..hehehehe)

now to change the ambient in this forum, go see the thread I have posted

Quote:
Originally Posted by NickCats
Ok guys, let’s not pick on MNBoxster. He is entitled to his opinion, just like everyone else . He has provided more technical advice and knowledge on this forum that anyone else. It seems like every time he “speaks his mind” everyone jumps all over him. I guess every group needs a “bad guy” which seems the be the part Jim often plays ( and seems to enjoy ). It is the camaraderie with fellow Boxster owners, the plethora of information I have learned about this great car, and all the other useless, random, and entertaining junk that make me log into this crazy forum on a daily basis. If all we did is talk about technical stuff ( like the Mercedes and Jaguar forums I have been a member of ) I doubt that many of us would be inclined to keep coming back on a daily basis.

Just my $0.02

Nick
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Old 11-19-2006, 08:38 PM   #9
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Ah yes, I see. Certain members should feel free to speak their minds regardless of how inflammatory, while other members should stick to the prescribed topic and be cognizant of their tone. Thanks for clearing that up for me.

You are, however, right to a degree and I've edited my original post to be slightly less offensive.
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Last edited by Grizzly; 11-19-2006 at 08:55 PM.
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Old 11-19-2006, 10:12 PM   #10
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aye, Grizz...just to clear things up, I'm talking about it in general, coo?
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Old 11-20-2006, 07:31 AM   #11
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Fellas,

It's no problem. I'm not angry with anyone. I love to argue.
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Old 11-20-2006, 07:36 AM   #12
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coo! right on, dude!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grizzly
Fellas,

It's no problem. I'm not angry with anyone. I love to argue.
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Old 11-20-2006, 09:06 AM   #13
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Let me clear the air by apologizing to any and all of you if I've offended anyone. Especially to you Mr. MNBoxster. I appreciated your comments over the ages and I'm very sorry for using the language I did.

That being said, I just thought it was funny.

Once again, I apologize.
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Old 11-20-2006, 10:57 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jeffsquire
Let me clear the air by apologizing to any and all of you if I've offended anyone. Especially to you Mr. MNBoxster. I appreciated your comments over the ages and I'm very sorry for using the language I did.

That being said, I just thought it was funny.

Once again, I apologize.
Hi,

No need to apologize, though I admire you for saying so.

The Internet is a most imperfect means of communication. Topics and issues often morph way beyond what may have been originally intended, by either the Author, or Contributors.

I try not to take any of it too seriously, at times with greater success than other times...

Happy Motoring!... Jim'99

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