[jeffsquire]

I was told just to start a new thread. THe Original New Testament Prayer is under the Porsche Prayer.



Dear mother earth. We worship you because you begat us and no one and nothing else. We worship your dirt, trees and water for these are the elements of life.

Thank you for my newest Tofu colored Porsche given to me by my companion for the Winterfest. WE’ve just celebrated our 117th Sundial week anniversary. The keys were wrapped right under the Winterfest tree. My companion and I sang Winterfest songs, Drank winterfest egg nog made from organic chickens who were not slaughtered or used for cosmetic purposes, and ate winterfest cake baked in our sun oven.

Mother earth, forgive the streetcorner independent, unlicensed pharmaceutical distrubutors in the urban centers whom I roll up to on weekends in my Porsche, for they haveth no choice, b/c there’s no jobs out there because of that evil man in the Whitehouse. Except protect my independent, unlicensed pharmacuetal distributer who provides necessary temporary relief for these stressful times of unemployment, stockmarket depression, starvation and hate. After all, this is such a horrible country.

Bless my Medical Marijuana faith healer who also drives a porsche. And thank you for letting him provide me with legal prescriptions of Xanax, Nebutal, Vicodin and Oxicondin in full-strength 250mg tabs, 250 count, with 12 refills. I thank you for my healer, especially when my inner city pharmacuetical distributer is incarcarated for “crimes” aginst “society.”

Bless and protect all living things, but also bless my Porsche. Bless the leather seats which give me comfort and look great, and forgive the evil profiteering murderer who killed a cow to procure it. The good thing is I’m sure the leather came from an organic cow raised on natural grass with his own private bathing facilities. After all, the grain in the leather resembles the beangrass I make my tea out of.

Forgive the evil money hungy harmdoers who destroy the greenery of your earth. Forgive the loggers. And thank you for me and my companions new Loghouse.
Forgive the farmers who grow your greenery only to kill and exploit their product to sell at the markets. But thank you for my Pumpkin/Dandelion spice frappachino.

In the future please amalgamate a Prius and a Boxster so I feel better about driving to my Pilates classes. Forgive me for using a plastic cushion during those classes instead of pesticide-free-raised cotton. Plastic is a by-product of oil, and oil is simply evil. Somehow bless the makers of Prius’ even though battery production is caustic, involves child-slave labor, and devastates the enviroment. Your creation, Mother Earth.

Please get rid of all guns, weapons and violence, because they never solved anything except slavery, fascism and communism. However protect my bodyguard and please allow his pistol permit to be renewed for another 3 years like Rosie O’Donnell’s did.

Finally, Mother Earth, as I walk through thy forests on my hemp slippers, forgive all of those who say one thing and do another.

Amen.