Go Back   986 Forum - The Community for Porsche Boxster & Cayman Owners > Porsche Boxster & Cayman Forums > Boxster General Discussions

Post Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-04-2013, 03:41 PM   #1
I am my own mechanic....
 
Timco's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 3,433
Post a joke...

Two scientists walk into a restaurant. First asks for H2O.

Second says, I'll have H2O too.

One lives.

__________________
'04 Boxster S 50 Jahre 550 Spyder Anniversary Special Edition, 851 of 1953, 6-sp, IMS/RMS, GT Metallic silver, cocoa brown leather SOLD to member Broken Linkage.
'08 VW Touareg T-3 wife's car
'13 F150 Super Crew long bed 4x4 w/ Ego Boost
Timco is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2013, 03:46 PM   #2
I am my own mechanic....
 
Timco's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 3,433
With all this talk of gay marriage, did you hear about the two antennas that got married?

The wedding was Ok, but the reception was great!
__________________
'04 Boxster S 50 Jahre 550 Spyder Anniversary Special Edition, 851 of 1953, 6-sp, IMS/RMS, GT Metallic silver, cocoa brown leather SOLD to member Broken Linkage.
'08 VW Touareg T-3 wife's car
'13 F150 Super Crew long bed 4x4 w/ Ego Boost
Timco is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2013, 04:16 PM   #3
Registered User
 
Johnny Danger's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 4,810
Garage
Did you hear about the Polish lesbian ? She liked men.
__________________
Don't worry … I've got the microfilm.
Johnny Danger is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2013, 04:24 PM   #4
Damn Yankee
 
TeamOxford's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Dallas
Posts: 1,117
Garage
A cow, a pig and a chicken walk into a Texas BBQ joint.

The End.

TO
TeamOxford is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2013, 04:31 PM   #5
jakesbox
 
trimer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Charlotte NC
Posts: 759
So I went out to the garage today and my dog was literally drinking all the gas the had spilled out of a can that fell over. I had just filled it up as it was empty and down here in Fl we are still mowing.

Anyway so my dog is drinking all this gas and I ran over to make him stop and he started running around in circles. Never seen him run that fast...it had to have been 5 minutes in a circle. All of a sudden he just stopped and fell over. Poor thing...he ran out of gas.

I crack myself up. I'll be here all week people. N don't forget to tip your waitress.
__________________
2003 996 Twin Turbo X50, PCCB, polar silver / 2004 996 Carerra Cabriolet, midnight blue, cinnamon leather, IMS Pro / 2003 Artic Silver Boxster - Short Throw Shift, IMS Upgrade, Carerra Light Wheels, De-Snorked with Evoms Cold Air Intake, GHL Exhaust (Sold) / 2002 Seal Grey Boxster - Fabspeed Exhaust, Black powder coated wheels, Porsche stripes (Sold) / 2 -1957 356 A Speedsters (signal red and seal grey) (Sold) / 1989 944 Turbo (m030 S options)
trimer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2013, 04:38 PM   #6
I am my own mechanic....
 
Timco's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 3,433
A sodium atom is shopping in a store. A Chlorine atom walks up and starts hitting it, then grabs it and won't let go.

The chlorine atom is arrested for committing assault.
__________________
'04 Boxster S 50 Jahre 550 Spyder Anniversary Special Edition, 851 of 1953, 6-sp, IMS/RMS, GT Metallic silver, cocoa brown leather SOLD to member Broken Linkage.
'08 VW Touareg T-3 wife's car
'13 F150 Super Crew long bed 4x4 w/ Ego Boost
Timco is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2013, 04:55 PM   #7
Registered User
 
Johnny Danger's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 4,810
Garage
An attractive airline stewardess asks a male passenger if he would like some TWA coffee, and the man responds by saying no, but I'd like some TWA 't".
__________________
Don't worry … I've got the microfilm.
Johnny Danger is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2013, 05:00 PM   #8
Registered User
 
kjc2050's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Wake Forest, NC
Posts: 867
Garage
An old joke, but still one of my favorites...

A salesman was driving along when he got a flat tire on his car. He pulled over to change the tire. After placing the spare tire on the car, he looked around but couldn't find any of the lug nuts. He noticed that the ground where he put the lug nuts sloped down towards a sewer grate and realized the nuts probably rolled down the slope and into the open grate.

"What am I going to do now?" he wondered aloud.

"I have a solution." came a voice from nowhere.

The salesman turned and realized that he was parked in front of a mental institution and a patient had been watching the whole scene unfold from behind the fence.

"What is your solution? asked the salesman.

"Take one lug nut from each of the other 3 wheels and use those three to hold the fourth wheel on until you can drive slowly over to a garage to replace the missing lug nuts." said the patient.

"What an intelligent solution" exclaimed the salesman. "Why didn't I think of that??"

"Hey, I'm in here because I'm crazy...not because I'm stupid."
__________________
2000 Boxster S, 6 speed, Sport Package, Litronics, LED tail lights, LNE IMS-B, OBC, Skybreaker wind deflector, Arctic Silver/Graphite Grey
kjc2050 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2013, 05:00 PM   #9
Registered User
 
gregdacat's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Newport, KY
Posts: 202
A tangled string walks into a bar. The bar tender says, "Hey Buddy we don't serve your kind here. Aren't you a string?" The string replies, " 'fraid not!"
__________________
Greg
2002 Triple Black, Desnorkled, Bumper Plugs, LN IMSB Upgrade
gregdacat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2013, 05:11 PM   #10
I am my own mechanic....
 
Timco's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 3,433
Cops get called to domestic violence call. Show up, and find a Porsche with golf clubs everywhere and the car is beat to hell. Golf clubs in the intake, all glass smashed, every panel just beat beyond recognition. All tires flat.

Cop asks "my God, how many times did you hit this thing???"

Guy says sheepishly............put me down for an 8....
__________________
'04 Boxster S 50 Jahre 550 Spyder Anniversary Special Edition, 851 of 1953, 6-sp, IMS/RMS, GT Metallic silver, cocoa brown leather SOLD to member Broken Linkage.
'08 VW Touareg T-3 wife's car
'13 F150 Super Crew long bed 4x4 w/ Ego Boost
Timco is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2013, 05:25 PM   #11
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 691
What is brown and sticky?






A stick.

/
__________________
SOLD - 2002 Boxster S - PSM, Litronics, De-ambered, Bird Bike Rack, Hardtop, RMS leak...
fatmike is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2013, 05:42 PM   #12
Damn Yankee
 
TeamOxford's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Dallas
Posts: 1,117
Garage
Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnny Danger View Post
An attractive airline stewardess asks a male passenger if he would like some TWA coffee, and the man responds by saying no, but I'd like some TWA 't".
Lemme guess............you went to Parochial school, right?

TO
TeamOxford is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2013, 05:46 PM   #13
Registered User
 
Johnny Danger's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 4,810
Garage
Quote:
Originally Posted by TeamOxford View Post
Lemme guess............you went to Parochial school, right?

TO
no, pyrotechnical school.
__________________
Don't worry … I've got the microfilm.
Johnny Danger is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2013, 05:51 PM   #14
Registered User
 
Johnny Danger's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 4,810
Garage
Why are hamburgers so smart ? Because they went to "cow-lege".
__________________
Don't worry … I've got the microfilm.
Johnny Danger is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2013, 06:01 PM   #15
Registered User
 
Johnny Danger's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 4,810
Garage
What do you call George Washington’s false teeth? Presidentures.
__________________
Don't worry … I've got the microfilm.
Johnny Danger is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2013, 06:05 PM   #16
I am my own mechanic....
 
Timco's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 3,433
Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnny Danger View Post
Why are hamburgers so smart ? Because they went to "cow-lege".
Just for that........

Guy goes to the dentist. Has a problem with his upper plate.

Dentist asks what he's been eating?? Says he loves eggs Benedict. Eats it every day.

Dentist says oh, I see the problem. You need a chrome upper plate!

Guy says why??

Dentist says...........(wait for it).............

















There's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise........
__________________
'04 Boxster S 50 Jahre 550 Spyder Anniversary Special Edition, 851 of 1953, 6-sp, IMS/RMS, GT Metallic silver, cocoa brown leather SOLD to member Broken Linkage.
'08 VW Touareg T-3 wife's car
'13 F150 Super Crew long bed 4x4 w/ Ego Boost
Timco is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2013, 06:15 PM   #17
Registered User
 
Johnny Danger's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 4,810
Garage
Take this !

Why couldn't the Polack call 911?
He couldn't find the 11 on the phone!
__________________
Don't worry … I've got the microfilm.

Last edited by Johnny Danger; 12-04-2013 at 07:12 PM.
Johnny Danger is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2013, 06:17 PM   #18
jakesbox
 
trimer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Charlotte NC
Posts: 759
Knock knock
__________________
2003 996 Twin Turbo X50, PCCB, polar silver / 2004 996 Carerra Cabriolet, midnight blue, cinnamon leather, IMS Pro / 2003 Artic Silver Boxster - Short Throw Shift, IMS Upgrade, Carerra Light Wheels, De-Snorked with Evoms Cold Air Intake, GHL Exhaust (Sold) / 2002 Seal Grey Boxster - Fabspeed Exhaust, Black powder coated wheels, Porsche stripes (Sold) / 2 -1957 356 A Speedsters (signal red and seal grey) (Sold) / 1989 944 Turbo (m030 S options)
trimer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2013, 06:25 PM   #19
I am my own mechanic....
 
Timco's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 3,433
Quote:
Originally Posted by trimer View Post
Knock knock
Who's there??
__________________
'04 Boxster S 50 Jahre 550 Spyder Anniversary Special Edition, 851 of 1953, 6-sp, IMS/RMS, GT Metallic silver, cocoa brown leather SOLD to member Broken Linkage.
'08 VW Touareg T-3 wife's car
'13 F150 Super Crew long bed 4x4 w/ Ego Boost
Timco is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2013, 06:25 PM   #20
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Miramar, FL
Posts: 163
Post a joke

Jim runs into an old friend, Bob, who he hasn't seen in a while and asks how he's been. Bob replies "Not so good. The other day I went home early from work with a splitting headache and found my wife with another". Jim replies in shock "You're kidding, you found her with another man?". Bob says "No, with another headache!". They laugh at Bob's joke and Jim says "I'm going to have to use that on someone". The next day Jim runs into another old friend, Kurt, who asks Jim how he's been. Jim replies "Not so good. The other day I went home early from work with a splitting headache and found my wife with another". Kurt replies "Well, Jim, I knew that was going on but I didn't have the heart to tell you".

Alfieg23 is offline   Reply With Quote
Post Reply


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On




All times are GMT -8. The time now is 05:21 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Content Relevant URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0
Copyright 2024 Pelican Parts, LLC - Posts may be archived for display on the Pelican Parts Website -    DMCA Registered Agent Contact Page