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Old 12-04-2013, 04:41 PM   #1
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Post a joke...

Two scientists walk into a restaurant. First asks for H2O.

Second says, I'll have H2O too.

One lives.

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Old 12-04-2013, 04:46 PM   #2
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With all this talk of gay marriage, did you hear about the two antennas that got married?

The wedding was Ok, but the reception was great!
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Old 12-04-2013, 05:16 PM   #3
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Did you hear about the Polish lesbian ? She liked men.
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Old 12-04-2013, 05:24 PM   #4
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A cow, a pig and a chicken walk into a Texas BBQ joint.

The End.

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Old 12-04-2013, 05:31 PM   #5
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So I went out to the garage today and my dog was literally drinking all the gas the had spilled out of a can that fell over. I had just filled it up as it was empty and down here in Fl we are still mowing.

Anyway so my dog is drinking all this gas and I ran over to make him stop and he started running around in circles. Never seen him run that fast...it had to have been 5 minutes in a circle. All of a sudden he just stopped and fell over. Poor thing...he ran out of gas.

I crack myself up. I'll be here all week people. N don't forget to tip your waitress.
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Old 12-04-2013, 05:38 PM   #6
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A sodium atom is shopping in a store. A Chlorine atom walks up and starts hitting it, then grabs it and won't let go.

The chlorine atom is arrested for committing assault.
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Old 12-04-2013, 05:55 PM   #7
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An attractive airline stewardess asks a male passenger if he would like some TWA coffee, and the man responds by saying no, but I'd like some TWA 't".
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Old 12-04-2013, 06:00 PM   #8
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An old joke, but still one of my favorites...

A salesman was driving along when he got a flat tire on his car. He pulled over to change the tire. After placing the spare tire on the car, he looked around but couldn't find any of the lug nuts. He noticed that the ground where he put the lug nuts sloped down towards a sewer grate and realized the nuts probably rolled down the slope and into the open grate.

"What am I going to do now?" he wondered aloud.

"I have a solution." came a voice from nowhere.

The salesman turned and realized that he was parked in front of a mental institution and a patient had been watching the whole scene unfold from behind the fence.

"What is your solution? asked the salesman.

"Take one lug nut from each of the other 3 wheels and use those three to hold the fourth wheel on until you can drive slowly over to a garage to replace the missing lug nuts." said the patient.

"What an intelligent solution" exclaimed the salesman. "Why didn't I think of that??"

"Hey, I'm in here because I'm crazy...not because I'm stupid."
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Old 12-04-2013, 06:00 PM   #9
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A tangled string walks into a bar. The bar tender says, "Hey Buddy we don't serve your kind here. Aren't you a string?" The string replies, " 'fraid not!"
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Old 12-04-2013, 06:11 PM   #10
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Cops get called to domestic violence call. Show up, and find a Porsche with golf clubs everywhere and the car is beat to hell. Golf clubs in the intake, all glass smashed, every panel just beat beyond recognition. All tires flat.

Cop asks "my God, how many times did you hit this thing???"

Guy says sheepishly............put me down for an 8....
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Old 12-04-2013, 06:25 PM   #11
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What is brown and sticky?






A stick.

/
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Old 12-04-2013, 06:42 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnny Danger View Post
An attractive airline stewardess asks a male passenger if he would like some TWA coffee, and the man responds by saying no, but I'd like some TWA 't".
Lemme guess............you went to Parochial school, right?

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Old 12-04-2013, 06:46 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TeamOxford View Post
Lemme guess............you went to Parochial school, right?

TO
no, pyrotechnical school.
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Old 12-04-2013, 06:51 PM   #14
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Why are hamburgers so smart ? Because they went to "cow-lege".
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Old 12-04-2013, 07:01 PM   #15
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What do you call George Washington’s false teeth? Presidentures.
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Old 12-04-2013, 07:05 PM   #16
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Why are hamburgers so smart ? Because they went to "cow-lege".
Just for that........

Guy goes to the dentist. Has a problem with his upper plate.

Dentist asks what he's been eating?? Says he loves eggs Benedict. Eats it every day.

Dentist says oh, I see the problem. You need a chrome upper plate!

Guy says why??

Dentist says...........(wait for it).............

















There's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise........
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Old 12-04-2013, 07:15 PM   #17
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Take this !

Why couldn't the Polack call 911?
He couldn't find the 11 on the phone!
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Last edited by Johnny Danger; 12-04-2013 at 08:12 PM.
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Old 12-04-2013, 07:17 PM   #18
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Knock knock
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Old 12-04-2013, 07:25 PM   #19
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Knock knock
Who's there??
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Old 12-04-2013, 07:25 PM   #20
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Post a joke

Jim runs into an old friend, Bob, who he hasn't seen in a while and asks how he's been. Bob replies "Not so good. The other day I went home early from work with a splitting headache and found my wife with another". Jim replies in shock "You're kidding, you found her with another man?". Bob says "No, with another headache!". They laugh at Bob's joke and Jim says "I'm going to have to use that on someone". The next day Jim runs into another old friend, Kurt, who asks Jim how he's been. Jim replies "Not so good. The other day I went home early from work with a splitting headache and found my wife with another". Kurt replies "Well, Jim, I knew that was going on but I didn't have the heart to tell you".

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