12-04-2013, 03:41 PM
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#1
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I am my own mechanic....
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 3,432
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Post a joke...
Two scientists walk into a restaurant. First asks for H2O.
Second says, I'll have H2O too.
One lives.
__________________
'04 Boxster S 50 Jahre 550 Spyder Anniversary Special Edition, 851 of 1953, 6-sp, IMS/RMS, GT Metallic silver, cocoa brown leather SOLD to member Broken Linkage.
'08 VW Touareg T-3 wife's car
'13 F150 Super Crew long bed 4x4 w/ Ego Boost
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12-04-2013, 03:46 PM
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#2
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I am my own mechanic....
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 3,432
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With all this talk of gay marriage, did you hear about the two antennas that got married?
The wedding was Ok, but the reception was great!
__________________
'04 Boxster S 50 Jahre 550 Spyder Anniversary Special Edition, 851 of 1953, 6-sp, IMS/RMS, GT Metallic silver, cocoa brown leather SOLD to member Broken Linkage.
'08 VW Touareg T-3 wife's car
'13 F150 Super Crew long bed 4x4 w/ Ego Boost
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12-04-2013, 04:16 PM
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#3
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Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 4,810
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Did you hear about the Polish lesbian ? She liked men.
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Don't worry … I've got the microfilm.
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12-04-2013, 04:24 PM
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#4
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Damn Yankee
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Dallas
Posts: 1,117
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A cow, a pig and a chicken walk into a Texas BBQ joint.
The End.
TO
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12-04-2013, 04:31 PM
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#5
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jakesbox
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Charlotte NC
Posts: 759
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So I went out to the garage today and my dog was literally drinking all the gas the had spilled out of a can that fell over. I had just filled it up as it was empty and down here in Fl we are still mowing.
Anyway so my dog is drinking all this gas and I ran over to make him stop and he started running around in circles. Never seen him run that fast...it had to have been 5 minutes in a circle. All of a sudden he just stopped and fell over. Poor thing...he ran out of gas.
I crack myself up. I'll be here all week people. N don't forget to tip your waitress.
__________________
2003 996 Twin Turbo X50, PCCB, polar silver / 2004 996 Carerra Cabriolet, midnight blue, cinnamon leather, IMS Pro / 2003 Artic Silver Boxster - Short Throw Shift, IMS Upgrade, Carerra Light Wheels, De-Snorked with Evoms Cold Air Intake, GHL Exhaust (Sold) / 2002 Seal Grey Boxster - Fabspeed Exhaust, Black powder coated wheels, Porsche stripes (Sold) / 2 -1957 356 A Speedsters (signal red and seal grey) (Sold) / 1989 944 Turbo (m030 S options)
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12-04-2013, 04:38 PM
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#6
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I am my own mechanic....
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 3,432
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A sodium atom is shopping in a store. A Chlorine atom walks up and starts hitting it, then grabs it and won't let go.
The chlorine atom is arrested for committing assault.
__________________
'04 Boxster S 50 Jahre 550 Spyder Anniversary Special Edition, 851 of 1953, 6-sp, IMS/RMS, GT Metallic silver, cocoa brown leather SOLD to member Broken Linkage.
'08 VW Touareg T-3 wife's car
'13 F150 Super Crew long bed 4x4 w/ Ego Boost
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12-04-2013, 04:55 PM
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#7
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Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 4,810
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An attractive airline stewardess asks a male passenger if he would like some TWA coffee, and the man responds by saying no, but I'd like some TWA 't".
__________________
Don't worry … I've got the microfilm.
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12-04-2013, 05:42 PM
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#8
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Damn Yankee
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Dallas
Posts: 1,117
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnny Danger
An attractive airline stewardess asks a male passenger if he would like some TWA coffee, and the man responds by saying no, but I'd like some TWA 't".
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Lemme guess............you went to Parochial school, right? 
TO
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12-04-2013, 05:46 PM
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#9
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Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 4,810
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TeamOxford
Lemme guess............you went to Parochial school, right?
TO |
no, pyrotechnical school.
__________________
Don't worry … I've got the microfilm.
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12-04-2013, 05:51 PM
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#10
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Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 4,810
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Why are hamburgers so smart ? Because they went to "cow-lege".
__________________
Don't worry … I've got the microfilm.
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12-04-2013, 05:00 PM
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#11
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Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Wake Forest, NC
Posts: 867
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An old joke, but still one of my favorites...
A salesman was driving along when he got a flat tire on his car. He pulled over to change the tire. After placing the spare tire on the car, he looked around but couldn't find any of the lug nuts. He noticed that the ground where he put the lug nuts sloped down towards a sewer grate and realized the nuts probably rolled down the slope and into the open grate.
"What am I going to do now?" he wondered aloud.
"I have a solution." came a voice from nowhere.
The salesman turned and realized that he was parked in front of a mental institution and a patient had been watching the whole scene unfold from behind the fence.
"What is your solution? asked the salesman.
"Take one lug nut from each of the other 3 wheels and use those three to hold the fourth wheel on until you can drive slowly over to a garage to replace the missing lug nuts." said the patient.
"What an intelligent solution" exclaimed the salesman. "Why didn't I think of that??"
"Hey, I'm in here because I'm crazy...not because I'm stupid."
__________________
2000 Boxster S, 6 speed, Sport Package, Litronics, LED tail lights, LNE IMS-B, OBC, Skybreaker wind deflector, Arctic Silver/Graphite Grey
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12-04-2013, 05:00 PM
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#12
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Newport, KY
Posts: 202
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A tangled string walks into a bar. The bar tender says, "Hey Buddy we don't serve your kind here. Aren't you a string?" The string replies, " 'fraid not!"
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Greg
2002 Triple Black, Desnorkled, Bumper Plugs, LN IMSB Upgrade
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12-04-2013, 05:11 PM
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#13
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I am my own mechanic....
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 3,432
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Cops get called to domestic violence call. Show up, and find a Porsche with golf clubs everywhere and the car is beat to hell. Golf clubs in the intake, all glass smashed, every panel just beat beyond recognition. All tires flat.
Cop asks "my God, how many times did you hit this thing???"
Guy says sheepishly............put me down for an 8....
__________________
'04 Boxster S 50 Jahre 550 Spyder Anniversary Special Edition, 851 of 1953, 6-sp, IMS/RMS, GT Metallic silver, cocoa brown leather SOLD to member Broken Linkage.
'08 VW Touareg T-3 wife's car
'13 F150 Super Crew long bed 4x4 w/ Ego Boost
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12-04-2013, 05:25 PM
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#14
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 691
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What is brown and sticky?
A stick.
/
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SOLD - 2002 Boxster S - PSM, Litronics, De-ambered, Bird Bike Rack, Hardtop, RMS leak...
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12-04-2013, 06:36 PM
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#15
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Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Winnipeg MB
Posts: 2,485
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Alas for little Willy
We'll be seeing him no more
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4
__________________
'99 black 986
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12-04-2013, 07:14 PM
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#16
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I am my own mechanic....
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 3,432
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark_T
Alas for little Willy
We'll be seeing him no more
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4
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There once was this guy from Nantucket.......
__________________
'04 Boxster S 50 Jahre 550 Spyder Anniversary Special Edition, 851 of 1953, 6-sp, IMS/RMS, GT Metallic silver, cocoa brown leather SOLD to member Broken Linkage.
'08 VW Touareg T-3 wife's car
'13 F150 Super Crew long bed 4x4 w/ Ego Boost
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12-04-2013, 08:01 PM
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#17
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Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 317
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Doctor tells his elderly patient, "I have bad news, you have cancer and you have Alzheimer's". The guy replies, "at least I don't have cancer".
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Dave S.
2003 Boxster S
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12-04-2013, 06:43 PM
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#18
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 7,243
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Blind guy walks into Macy's near the escalators in the middle of the store.
He grabs his assist-dog by the tail and swings it around over his head.
The dog is making an awful racket from the pain, and a manager comes up and asks what the blind guy is doing.
He says, "not much. Just taking a look around"
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12-04-2013, 08:18 PM
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#19
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Registered User
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Agoura Hills (LA) So.Cal.
Posts: 1,574
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Man takes his wife to the doctor.
Doctor say he has bad news... his wife either has Alzheimer's or a bad venereal disease.
What should I do ask the man.
Doctor tells him to drop his wife off three blocks from their home. .. . if she comes home don't have sex with her.
__________________
1995 Porsche C4 Cab
2016 BMW M2, 6 Speed LBB - ED 7/2016
1997 993 Cab - Sold; 1997 993 Turbo - Sold
2001 Boxster S - Original Owner - 30K Miles -SOLD
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12-04-2013, 08:28 PM
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#20
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Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 4,810
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Diagnosis: Doctor tells a man he has a terminal illness with 6 months to live.
Prognosis: Doctor tells him to marry a Jewish woman and move to Buffalo - it will be the longest 6 month of his life.
__________________
Don't worry … I've got the microfilm.
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