01-06-2014, 03:08 PM
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#1
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Beginner
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Houston
Posts: 1,659
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So a guy walks into a restaurant every morning carrying a legless dog wearing a leash and collar. Finally the waiter asks him, "What's your dogs name?", and the man replies "Racer.". "Why Racer?" the waiter asks. Because every morning we go out for a drag, the man replies.
Just doing my own little part moving us a little closer to "guy with no arms and legs" jokes.
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2003 S manual
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01-06-2014, 03:13 PM
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#2
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Beginner
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Houston
Posts: 1,659
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And since I'm still here...
Three words you never want to hear when making love...
Honey, I'm Home!
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2003 S manual
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01-06-2014, 06:57 PM
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#3
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Registered User
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Agoura Hills (LA) So.Cal.
Posts: 1,574
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jamesp
Just doing my own little part moving us a little closer to "guy with no arms and legs" jokes.
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My favorites; Skip, Bob, Matt, Frank, Bill and more. And don't forget what you call a women with one leg.... Ilene.
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1995 Porsche C4 Cab
2016 BMW M2, 6 Speed LBB - ED 7/2016
1997 993 Cab - Sold; 1997 993 Turbo - Sold
2001 Boxster S - Original Owner - 30K Miles -SOLD
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01-06-2014, 07:51 PM
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#4
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I am my own mechanic....
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 3,432
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuck W.
My favorites; Skip, Bob, Matt, Frank, Bill and more. And don't forget what you call a women with one leg.... Ilene.
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I know a guy with one arm and one leg. He's my half brother....
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'04 Boxster S 50 Jahre 550 Spyder Anniversary Special Edition, 851 of 1953, 6-sp, IMS/RMS, GT Metallic silver, cocoa brown leather SOLD to member Broken Linkage.
'08 VW Touareg T-3 wife's car
'13 F150 Super Crew long bed 4x4 w/ Ego Boost
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01-07-2014, 06:46 AM
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#5
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Chicago
Posts: 475
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuck W.
My favorites; Skip, Bob, Matt, Frank, Bill and more. And don't forget what you call a women with one leg.... Ilene.
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Douglas was always my favorite.
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Some kind of happiness is measured out in miles
2003 Midnight Blue S
LN IMS Retrofit
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01-07-2014, 07:25 AM
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#6
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Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Winnipeg MB
Posts: 2,485
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This is going back a ways, but do you remember that famous blue dress belonging to Monica Lewinsky? do you know what the investigators found in the pocket?
A wad of bills!
This one goes back even further. The Trudeaus were installing a patio at their house. Pierre was raking the sand and Margaret was laying the stones!
Ba-dum-bum!
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'99 black 986
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01-07-2014, 12:46 PM
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#7
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Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,746
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuck W.
My favorites; Skip, Bob, Matt, Frank, Bill and more. And don't forget what you call a women with one leg.... Ilene.
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Don't forget her Pacific Rim cousin......Irene.
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01-07-2014, 03:57 PM
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#8
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Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 4,810
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Why did the chicken cross the road ? To meet his friend Gregory Peck on the other side.
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Don't worry … I've got the microfilm.
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01-07-2014, 05:01 AM
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#9
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Maine, USA
Posts: 126
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Man to wife: Remember when we first got married? We lived in a cheap apartment, drove a junk car and had no money in the bank but I got to sleep with at 23 year old hot chick. Now we have a $500,000 house, a new $40,000 car and a big savings account but I'm sleeping with a 68 year old grandmother. I don't think you are holding up your part of the bargain.
Wife to husband: OK, go find yourself a 23 year old hot chick and you will once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a junk car and have no money in the bank.
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01-07-2014, 07:20 AM
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#10
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Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Winnipeg MB
Posts: 2,485
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I like Art and 2nd base
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'99 black 986
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01-07-2014, 10:44 AM
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#11
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Lover of all things bacon
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Burbank, CA
Posts: 36
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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
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2005 Boxster S
2003 Mercedes Benz SL55 AMG
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01-18-2014, 12:16 PM
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#12
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Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Winnipeg MB
Posts: 2,485
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I don't get it 
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'99 black 986
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01-18-2014, 02:53 PM
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#13
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Seattle
Posts: 735
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mark_T
I don't get it |
The leading edge of the wings on most large jets have lift improving devices called slats.
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2000S Ocean Blue Metallic- 116K
3X Water Pump, Clear side markers, Crios Mod, Front engine mount, Flywheel, clutch, RMS, AOS, MAF, serpentine belt, power brake vacuum line, battery, 2X CV boots, Fuel filter, Oil filler tube, 3X ignition switch, 90K service, gas cap, Coolant tank
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01-18-2014, 03:11 PM
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#14
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Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Winnipeg MB
Posts: 2,485
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Ah, thank you. I guess you had to know something about planes.
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'99 black 986
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01-19-2014, 04:45 PM
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#15
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Certified Boxster Addict
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 7,669
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Can you spell P-D-K O-N-L-Y?
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1999 996 C2 - sold - bought back - sold for more
1997 Spec Boxster BSR #254
1979 911 SC
POC Licensed DE/TT Instructor
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02-01-2014, 04:45 AM
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#16
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Registered User
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Omaha
Posts: 2,947
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You're in a room with a lawyer, a terrorist, and a mass murderer. You have a gun with only 2 bullets. What do you do?
Shoot the lawyer twice.
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GPRPCA Chief Driving Instructor
2008 Boxster S Limited Edition #005
2008 Cayman S Sport - Signal Green
1989 928 S4 5 spd - black
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02-02-2014, 07:51 AM
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#17
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 29
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On the way back from a zoo field trip the teacher asked the kids what they saw.
Kathy excitedly said, I saw a giraffe, its neck was ten stories high. Well said the teacher, the giraffe's neck was certainly long but maybe not 10 stories.
Billy said, I saw a hippo, a big fat hippo, it was wider than this bus. Well, said the teacher, that hippo certainly was big but I don't know that is was as wide as the bus.
Finally Johnny said that he saw a flat rabbit. Well said the teach I don't recall seeing a flat rabbit. But, but, stammered Johnny, there was another one behind it pumping it back up.
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02-09-2014, 06:12 AM
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#18
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Registered User
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 868
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What happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up?
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wait
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It becomes daytrogen.
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02-13-2014, 08:33 AM
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#19
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Registered User
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Greenville, S.C.
Posts: 2,670
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Male "on a scale from Honda to Porsche, how high maintaince are you?"
Female "jaguar"
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02-13-2014, 09:19 AM
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#20
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Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: PA
Posts: 299
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Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom. Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity! Surely Miss Bea had flipped or something!
When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer. "Miss Bea," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" (pointing to the bowl).
"Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know ... I haven't had a cold all winter."
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2004 Boxster S
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