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Old 11-15-2006, 02:18 PM   #1
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The Porsche Prayer

I got this idea after reading OhioBoxster's thread regarding his headlights. RandallNeighbor created a prayer for him.

Then I thought, who could give us the greatest Porsche Prayer. Maybe when it's done and if we like it we could make a poster.

Bring em on!!

Keywords: (horse) Power, Glory, joy(stick),. . . .just some suggestions.

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Old 11-15-2006, 04:33 PM   #2
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"Heavenly Father,
Thank you for the Porsche.
Amen."

I like to keep it short.

Matthew 6:7
And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words.
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Old 11-15-2006, 06:57 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeph
"Heavenly Father,
Thank you for the Porsche.
Amen."

I like to keep it short.

Matthew 6:7
And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words.
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Thank you jeph, but come on folks. Soldiers, nurses, doctors, policemen, firemen, all have prayers and saints. Surely you as porsche owners can think of something. Or do I sense guilt amongst the congregation?
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Old 11-15-2006, 07:44 PM   #4
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Dear Lord. If I miss this tree, I will never drive like this again. Amen.
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Old 11-15-2006, 07:55 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grizzly
Dear Lord. If I miss this tree, I will never drive like this again. Amen.
ROFL!!! The "If-Then" prayer, reminds me of Cobal in school. I'm sure there are a lot of the "Dear Lord, if his radar gun could only read 40mph lower....."
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Old 11-15-2006, 08:26 PM   #6
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Old 11-16-2006, 08:46 AM   #7
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Heavenly Father, let this oil spot be from the MG ... please.
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Old 11-16-2006, 12:05 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grizzly
Dear Lord. If I miss this tree, I will never drive like this again. Amen.
A variation on the prayer we should never pray:

Dear lord, get me through tonight and I swear I'll never drink again.
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Old 11-16-2006, 12:15 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BuffaloBoxster
A variation on the prayer we should never pray:

Dear lord, get me through tonight and I swear I'll never drink again.
Or eat chicken ( Rail26 )

Nick
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Old 11-16-2006, 12:28 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grizzly
Dear Lord. If I miss this tree, I will never drive like this again. Amen.


bwahahahaha!! That works with motorcycles, too.
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Old 11-16-2006, 01:33 PM   #11
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The Porsche Prayer (Old Testament Version)

THE PORSCHE PRAYER (OLD TESTAMENT).

Lord, Let the check engine light be a surge from the nearby lighting strike, and not my mass air flow sensor.
But if the lightning strikes, Let the lightning strike me and not my Porsche, but if it does strike my Porsche, then please, Lord, strike my balding Bridgestone Pole Positions, which are all long overdue. . . .
Let the lightning strike not one, but all four tires. And let my insurance cover that Act of God, your lightning strike on my tires, and replaceth them with Pirellis.

Further Lord, Let my Porsche, my vehicle which You bequeathed me, protect me from those who wish harm upon me. . .

Let My first gear move quickly into second like Jehu on his Chariot, and pealeth out, and smoketh great plumes of heavenly dust to shieldeth my Porsche from the carjacker who pointeth his six-shooter at me. But if that Fiend do shooteth me, may his bullet strike my aged, rattling Windstop, to be replaced with a sturdier model from my local Stealership.

Lord, thank you for my new chromed-out Delouzebo headers and exhaust, and make them create such a great heavenly roar that it shattereth the subwoofers of the Monte Carlo playing Fiftycent cruising abreast me.

Let my Litronic high beams blind mine enemies --including my obnoxious neighbors whose 8 foot wooden fence egresses 4 inches over my lakefront property boundary line, and smite them dead. . . .However, Lord, if I ever find myself in Florida, then protect my Porsche from those sinners and thieves who wish to relieve me of my Litronic headlights.

However, Lord, if that thief attempts to steal those Litronics, then smite him dead with lightning, or a frayed positive lead wire from my battery.
But if he survives Lord, please prevent him from suing me for negligence because I own a Porsche and not a Ford. Let someone in my stead be sued, Lord, like the wire, battery, or Litronic manufacturers, and even Porsche AG, but by all means, keep me out of that Class Action.
And If my lawyer succeedeth not in removing me from said class action and my cross-claim fails in a motion for summary judgment, then Lord, let the jury come back with a No-Cause of action, and may the Judge award me attorneys fees for my distress. And striketh dead that Shyster lawyer for bringing me to this despair.

Finally, Lord I am thy servant, and through the ages you've bestowed upon your servants the sword and shield of thy wrath. . . . Lord, please emblazen my shield with the Porsche, Stuttgart/Zuffenhausen logo in gold and mahogony leaf overlay.

These things I ask you Lord, for you are great, my Porsche is Great, and I cannot yet afford a new Ferrari.

Amen.
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Last edited by jeffsquire; 11-17-2006 at 07:16 PM. Reason: need to add
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Old 11-16-2006, 01:43 PM   #12
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OMG, Jeff....I almost fell of my chair laughing coz' after I read it, I found my two hands clasp together, like when you are actually praying and at the end I EVEN SAID Amen
oh yah, my co-worker thinks i'm going nuts coz' i can't stop laughing..hehehehehe!

*may i ask a permission to print so I could post it in my desk and garage

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Old 11-16-2006, 01:56 PM   #13
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LMAO, Jeff, I dont think it'll ever get better than that! LOL Ill say this prayer before i sleep and i before i pull out the garage.

Hey you should make those Laminate prayer cards that people clip to there sunvisor... they usually have a picture of a saint on it also.

For now, post it in a section of this forum so it wont ever be lost and will have its own thread.
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Old 11-16-2006, 03:10 PM   #14
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a little tricky to read, but very nice, i liked that one
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Old 11-16-2006, 04:53 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jeffsquire
THE PORSCHE PRAYER (OLD TESTAMENT).

Lord, Let the check engine light be a surge from the nearby lighting strike, and not my mass air flow sensor.
But if the lightning strikes, Let the lightning strike me and not my Porsche, but if it does strike my car, then please, Lord, strike my balding Bridgestone Pole Positions, which are all long overdue. . . .
Let the lightning strike not one, but all four tires. And let my insurance cover that Act of God, your lightning strike on my tires, and replaceth them with Pirellis.

Further Lord, Let my Porsche, my vehicle which You bequeathed me, protect me from those who wish harm upon me. . . .
Let My first gear move quickly into second like Jehu on his Chariot, and pealeth out, and smoketh great plumes of heavenly dust to shieldeth my car from the carjacker who pointeth his six-shooter at me. But if that Fiend do shooteth me, may his bullet strike my aged Windstop, to be replaced with a new model from my local Stealership.
Lord, thank you for my new chromed-out Delouzebo headers and exhaust, and make them create such a great roar from the heavens, that it shattereth the subwoofers of the nearby Monte Carlo playing Fiftycent cruising abreast me.

Let my Litronic high beams blind mine enemies, and smite them. . . .However, Lord, if I ever find myself in Florida, then protect my Porsche from those sinners and thieves who wish to relieve me of my Litronic headlights.
However, Lord, if that thief attempts to steal those Litronics, then smite him dead, Lord, with lightning, or a frayed positive lead wire from my battery.
But if he survives Lord, please prevent him from suing me for negligence because I own a Porsche and not a Ford. Let someone in my stead be sued, Lord, like the wire, battery, or Litronic manufacturers, and even Porsche AG, but by all means, keep me out of that Class Action.
And If my lawyer succeedeth not in removing from said class action and my cross-claim fails in a motion for summary judgment, then Lord, let the jury come back with a No-Cause of action, and may the Judge award me attorneys fees for my distress. And striketh dead that Shyster lawyer for bringing me to this despair.

These things I ask you Lord, for you are great, my Porsche is Great, and I cannot yet afford a new Ferrari.

Amen.

Suddenly it's clear to me why my attorney can never do the **************** I'm paying him to do in a timely manner.

Nice work on the prayer, though.
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Old 11-16-2006, 05:06 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by unklekraker
OMG, Jeff....I almost fell of my chair laughing coz' after I read it, I found my two hands clasp together, like when you are actually praying and at the end I EVEN SAID Amen
oh yah, my co-worker thinks i'm going nuts coz' i can't stop laughing..hehehehehe!

*may i ask a permission to print so I could post it in my desk and garage
___________________________________

Feel free to copy, distribute, quote, whatever. If you ever laminate though make sure to send me a copy.

Ooops, I forgot this.

"Dear lord, I am thy servant, and through the ages you've give your servants the sword and shield of thy wrath. . . .
. . . .Lord, please emblazen my shield with thePorsche, Stuttgart/Zuffenhausen logo. . . .Amen
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Old 11-16-2006, 05:08 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grizzly
Suddenly it's clear to me why my attorney can never do the **************** I'm paying him to do in a timely manner.

Nice work on the prayer, though.
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Easy Grizz. I'm just taking the time to pray. And I was thinking about your case at the same time. So I"ll only charge you time and a half, and give ten percent to tithe.

"THey don't hate lawyers and plumbers for nothing. . . ."
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Old 11-16-2006, 05:14 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jeffsquire
___________________________________

Feel free to copy, distribute, quote, whatever. If you ever laminate though make sure to send me a copy.

Ooops, I forgot this.

"Dear lord, I am thy servant, and through the ages you've give your servants the sword and shield of thy wrath. . . .
. . . .Lord, please emblazen my shield with thePorsche, Stuttgart/Zuffenhausen logo. . . .Amen
first thing tomorrow morning @ work...will print it out
That last one, really sealed the prayer for all of us!
*can't wait to show it to my Pastor
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Old 11-16-2006, 05:22 PM   #19
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how the hell do u steal litronisc?
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Old 11-16-2006, 05:28 PM   #20
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how the hell do u steal litronisc?
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Apparently it's the latest fad in Florida, according to our community posts.

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