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Originally Posted by jeffsquire
THE PORSCHE PRAYER (OLD TESTAMENT).
Lord, Let the check engine light be a surge from the nearby lighting strike, and not my mass air flow sensor.
But if the lightning strikes, Let the lightning strike me and not my Porsche, but if it does strike my car, then please, Lord, strike my balding Bridgestone Pole Positions, which are all long overdue. . . .
Let the lightning strike not one, but all four tires. And let my insurance cover that Act of God, your lightning strike on my tires, and replaceth them with Pirellis.
Further Lord, Let my Porsche, my vehicle which You bequeathed me, protect me from those who wish harm upon me. . . .
Let My first gear move quickly into second like Jehu on his Chariot, and pealeth out, and smoketh great plumes of heavenly dust to shieldeth my car from the carjacker who pointeth his six-shooter at me. But if that Fiend do shooteth me, may his bullet strike my aged Windstop, to be replaced with a new model from my local Stealership.
Lord, thank you for my new chromed-out Delouzebo headers and exhaust, and make them create such a great roar from the heavens, that it shattereth the subwoofers of the nearby Monte Carlo playing Fiftycent cruising abreast me.
Let my Litronic high beams blind mine enemies, and smite them. . . .However, Lord, if I ever find myself in Florida, then protect my Porsche from those sinners and thieves who wish to relieve me of my Litronic headlights.
However, Lord, if that thief attempts to steal those Litronics, then smite him dead, Lord, with lightning, or a frayed positive lead wire from my battery.
But if he survives Lord, please prevent him from suing me for negligence because I own a Porsche and not a Ford. Let someone in my stead be sued, Lord, like the wire, battery, or Litronic manufacturers, and even Porsche AG, but by all means, keep me out of that Class Action.
And If my lawyer succeedeth not in removing from said class action and my cross-claim fails in a motion for summary judgment, then Lord, let the jury come back with a No-Cause of action, and may the Judge award me attorneys fees for my distress. And striketh dead that Shyster lawyer for bringing me to this despair.
These things I ask you Lord, for you are great, my Porsche is Great, and I cannot yet afford a new Ferrari.
Amen.
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