[jeffsquire]

THE PORSCHE PRAYER (OLD TESTAMENT).

Lord, Let the check engine light be a surge from the nearby lighting strike, and not my mass air flow sensor.
But if the lightning strikes, Let the lightning strike me and not my Porsche, but if it does strike my Porsche, then please, Lord, strike my balding Bridgestone Pole Positions, which are all long overdue. . . .
Let the lightning strike not one, but all four tires. And let my insurance cover that Act of God, your lightning strike on my tires, and replaceth them with Pirellis.

Further Lord, Let my Porsche, my vehicle which You bequeathed me, protect me from those who wish harm upon me. . .

Let My first gear move quickly into second like Jehu on his Chariot, and pealeth out, and smoketh great plumes of heavenly dust to shieldeth my Porsche from the carjacker who pointeth his six-shooter at me. But if that Fiend do shooteth me, may his bullet strike my aged, rattling Windstop, to be replaced with a sturdier model from my local Stealership.

Lord, thank you for my new chromed-out Delouzebo headers and exhaust, and make them create such a great heavenly roar that it shattereth the subwoofers of the Monte Carlo playing Fiftycent cruising abreast me.

Let my Litronic high beams blind mine enemies --including my obnoxious neighbors whose 8 foot wooden fence egresses 4 inches over my lakefront property boundary line, and smite them dead. . . .However, Lord, if I ever find myself in Florida, then protect my Porsche from those sinners and thieves who wish to relieve me of my Litronic headlights.

However, Lord, if that thief attempts to steal those Litronics, then smite him dead with lightning, or a frayed positive lead wire from my battery.
But if he survives Lord, please prevent him from suing me for negligence because I own a Porsche and not a Ford. Let someone in my stead be sued, Lord, like the wire, battery, or Litronic manufacturers, and even Porsche AG, but by all means, keep me out of that Class Action.
And If my lawyer succeedeth not in removing me from said class action and my cross-claim fails in a motion for summary judgment, then Lord, let the jury come back with a No-Cause of action, and may the Judge award me attorneys fees for my distress. And striketh dead that Shyster lawyer for bringing me to this despair.

Finally, Lord I am thy servant, and through the ages you've bestowed upon your servants the sword and shield of thy wrath. . . . Lord, please emblazen my shield with the Porsche, Stuttgart/Zuffenhausen logo in gold and mahogony leaf overlay.

These things I ask you Lord, for you are great, my Porsche is Great, and I cannot yet afford a new Ferrari.

Amen.