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Old 12-24-2013, 07:16 AM   #81
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A vulture tries to board a plane with a dead raccoon under each wing.

Stewardess says " I'm sorry, only one carion per passenger..."

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Old 12-24-2013, 08:28 AM   #82
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How many ants does it take screw in a light bulb?

Two - the trick is getting them in there.
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Old 12-24-2013, 02:28 PM   #83
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It's Christmas Eve and a guy sees three working girls on the corner. He pulls up, rolls down the window, and exclaims , "HO, HO, HO, Merry Christmas!"
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Old 12-25-2013, 11:36 AM   #84
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What's the best time of day to go to the dentist?





2:30
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Old 12-25-2013, 12:26 PM   #85
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What's the best time of day to go to the dentist?





2:30
That's the appointment time I had to get my wisdom teeth pulled. Haha.
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Old 12-26-2013, 05:38 AM   #86
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Car Joke!

Guy walks into my parts store. Says "I need a gas cap for a Kia."

I said, "Okay, sounds like a fair trade".
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Old 12-26-2013, 06:39 AM   #87
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The salesman at the dealership said the same thing when i told him I wanted to get a decent used Cayenne for my wife. Unfortunately we were unable to come to terms on the amount of cash I would have to throw in.
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Old 12-26-2013, 07:22 AM   #88
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A cannibal was late to a luncheon. They gave him a cold shoulder.
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Old 12-28-2013, 09:09 PM   #89
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Overheard at a bar;

Patron #1 You know I f'd your momma and she loved it!

Patron #2 Oh jeez you're drunk again. Why don't you get a cup of coffee and go home dad?
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Old 01-05-2014, 08:03 PM   #90
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What do you call someone who speaks three languages?

Trilingual

What do you call someone who speaks two languages?

Bilingual

What do you call someone who speaks one language?

An American.
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Old 01-06-2014, 04:27 AM   #91
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A cannibal was late to a luncheon. They gave him a cold shoulder.
Which reminds me of an old one...
"Did you hear they cancelled the football game at the leper colony? Yeah, had to...there was a hand off at the 40 yd line."

In the same vein...
"Did you hear they also had to cancel their ice hockey game? Yeah, no choice...there was a face off at center ice."

Politically incorrect? Of course...most really funny jokes are!
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Old 01-06-2014, 02:17 PM   #92
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Do you know why cannibals don't eat clowns?

They taste funny.
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Old 01-06-2014, 02:54 PM   #93
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Uh-oh... pretty soon we'll be down to the "guy with no arms and legs" jokes
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Old 01-06-2014, 03:08 PM   #94
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So a guy walks into a restaurant every morning carrying a legless dog wearing a leash and collar. Finally the waiter asks him, "What's your dogs name?", and the man replies "Racer.". "Why Racer?" the waiter asks. Because every morning we go out for a drag, the man replies.

Just doing my own little part moving us a little closer to "guy with no arms and legs" jokes.
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Old 01-06-2014, 03:13 PM   #95
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And since I'm still here...

Three words you never want to hear when making love...

Honey, I'm Home!
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Old 01-06-2014, 03:28 PM   #96
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Frodo View Post
Which reminds me of an old one...
"Did you hear they cancelled the football game at the leper colony? Yeah, had to...there was a hand off at the 40 yd line."

In the same vein...
"Did you hear they also had to cancel their ice hockey game? Yeah, no choice...there was a face off at center ice."

Politically incorrect? Of course...most really funny jokes are!
All right, you made me do it.............


What did the leper say to the Prostitute?


Keep the Tip................
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Old 01-06-2014, 05:40 PM   #97
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I nominate coreseller as having the most tastless joke on this string (not that I haven't already repeated it) Are there any seconds?
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Old 01-06-2014, 06:57 PM   #98
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jamesp View Post

Just doing my own little part moving us a little closer to "guy with no arms and legs" jokes.
My favorites; Skip, Bob, Matt, Frank, Bill and more. And don't forget what you call a women with one leg.... Ilene.
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Old 01-06-2014, 07:51 PM   #99
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My favorites; Skip, Bob, Matt, Frank, Bill and more. And don't forget what you call a women with one leg.... Ilene.
I know a guy with one arm and one leg. He's my half brother....
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Old 01-07-2014, 05:01 AM   #100
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Man to wife: Remember when we first got married? We lived in a cheap apartment, drove a junk car and had no money in the bank but I got to sleep with at 23 year old hot chick. Now we have a $500,000 house, a new $40,000 car and a big savings account but I'm sleeping with a 68 year old grandmother. I don't think you are holding up your part of the bargain.

Wife to husband: OK, go find yourself a 23 year old hot chick and you will once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a junk car and have no money in the bank.

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