The Porsche Prayer - 986 Forum - The Community for Porsche Boxster & Cayman Owners

jeffsquire · 11-15-2006, 01:18 PM

I got this idea after reading OhioBoxster's thread regarding his headlights. RandallNeighbor created a prayer for him.

Then I thought, who could give us the greatest Porsche Prayer. Maybe when it's done and if we like it we could make a poster.

Bring em on!!

Keywords: (horse) Power, Glory, joy(stick),. . . .just some suggestions.

Jeph · 11-15-2006, 03:33 PM

"Heavenly Father,
Thank you for the Porsche.
Amen."

I like to keep it short.

Matthew 6:7
And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words.

jeffsquire · 11-15-2006, 05:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeph

"Heavenly Father,
Thank you for the Porsche.
Amen."

I like to keep it short.

Matthew 6:7
And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words.

_____________________

Thank you jeph, but come on folks. Soldiers, nurses, doctors, policemen, firemen, all have prayers and saints. Surely you as porsche owners can think of something. Or do I sense guilt amongst the congregation?

Grizzly · 11-15-2006, 06:44 PM

Dear Lord. If I miss this tree, I will never drive like this again. Amen.

deliriousga · 11-15-2006, 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grizzly

Dear Lord. If I miss this tree, I will never drive like this again. Amen.

ROFL!!! The "If-Then" prayer, reminds me of Cobal in school. I'm sure there are a lot of the "Dear Lord, if his radar gun could only read 40mph lower....."

Rail26 · 11-15-2006, 07:26 PM

"O Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail me now." -Blue Brothers.

BuffaloBoxster · 11-16-2006, 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grizzly

Dear Lord. If I miss this tree, I will never drive like this again. Amen.

A variation on the prayer we should never pray:

Dear lord, get me through tonight and I swear I'll never drink again.

NickCats · 11-16-2006, 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BuffaloBoxster

A variation on the prayer we should never pray:

Dear lord, get me through tonight and I swear I'll never drink again.

Or eat chicken ( Rail26 ) :chicken:

Nick

Chills · 11-16-2006, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grizzly

Dear Lord. If I miss this tree, I will never drive like this again. Amen.

bwahahahaha!! That works with motorcycles, too.

jeffsquire · 11-16-2006, 12:33 PM

THE PORSCHE PRAYER (OLD TESTAMENT).

Lord, Let the check engine light be a surge from the nearby lighting strike, and not my mass air flow sensor.
But if the lightning strikes, Let the lightning strike me and not my Porsche, but if it does strike my Porsche, then please, Lord, strike my balding Bridgestone Pole Positions, which are all long overdue. . . .
Let the lightning strike not one, but all four tires. And let my insurance cover that Act of God, your lightning strike on my tires, and replaceth them with Pirellis.

Further Lord, Let my Porsche, my vehicle which You bequeathed me, protect me from those who wish harm upon me. . .

Let My first gear move quickly into second like Jehu on his Chariot, and pealeth out, and smoketh great plumes of heavenly dust to shieldeth my Porsche from the carjacker who pointeth his six-shooter at me. But if that Fiend do shooteth me, may his bullet strike my aged, rattling Windstop, to be replaced with a sturdier model from my local Stealership.

Lord, thank you for my new chromed-out Delouzebo headers and exhaust, and make them create such a great heavenly roar that it shattereth the subwoofers of the Monte Carlo playing Fiftycent cruising abreast me.

Let my Litronic high beams blind mine enemies --including my obnoxious neighbors whose 8 foot wooden fence egresses 4 inches over my lakefront property boundary line, and smite them dead. . . .However, Lord, if I ever find myself in Florida, then protect my Porsche from those sinners and thieves who wish to relieve me of my Litronic headlights.

However, Lord, if that thief attempts to steal those Litronics, then smite him dead with lightning, or a frayed positive lead wire from my battery.
But if he survives Lord, please prevent him from suing me for negligence because I own a Porsche and not a Ford. Let someone in my stead be sued, Lord, like the wire, battery, or Litronic manufacturers, and even Porsche AG, but by all means, keep me out of that Class Action.
And If my lawyer succeedeth not in removing me from said class action and my cross-claim fails in a motion for summary judgment, then Lord, let the jury come back with a No-Cause of action, and may the Judge award me attorneys fees for my distress. And striketh dead that Shyster lawyer for bringing me to this despair.

Finally, Lord I am thy servant, and through the ages you've bestowed upon your servants the sword and shield of thy wrath. . . . Lord, please emblazen my shield with the Porsche, Stuttgart/Zuffenhausen logo in gold and mahogony leaf overlay.

These things I ask you Lord, for you are great, my Porsche is Great, and I cannot yet afford a new Ferrari.

Amen.

vijen6 · 11-16-2006, 08:52 PM

AMEN!!

Very nicely written and hillarious.

Now all we need is a few 986forum "models" to kneel infront of his/her car and we have got our very own Porsche prayer poster.

Any volunteers?

jeffsquire · 11-17-2006, 06:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vijen6

AMEN!!

Very nicely written and hillarious.

Now all we need is a few 986forum "models" to kneel infront of his/her car and we have got our very own Porsche prayer poster.

Any volunteers?

_____________________________
I'm likint the ideas here. Maybe a hot model in a priest's rob, you know like Friar Tuck, to keep it humble yet quasi-secular. Or maybe a pastor's collar, hand's clasped.

NOw I've got to work on a NEW TESTAMENT version this weekend.

unklekraker · 11-17-2006, 06:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jeffsquire

_____________________________
I'm likint the ideas here. Maybe a hot model in a priest's rob, you know like Friar Tuck, to keep it humble yet quasi-secular. Or maybe a pastor's collar, hand's clasped.

NOw I've got to work on a NEW TESTAMENT version this weekend.

yap, same here! i like vijen's suggestion. why don't we ask dj if he could create one for us, i know he likes to tinker around computer graphics

*here's the hint= maybe a pastor's collar, hand's clasped.[I][U]

oh yah, jeff...NEW TESTAMENT for the younger generation!

*i'm not really sure if we are commiting a sin here

jeffsquire · 11-17-2006, 07:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unklekraker

yap, same here! i like vijen's suggestion. why don't we ask dj if he could create one for us, i know he likes to tinker around computer graphics

*here's the hint= maybe a pastor's collar, hand's clasped.[I][U]

oh yah, jeff...NEW TESTAMENT for the younger generation!
*i'm not really sure if we are commiting a sin here

___________________________________

Is vijen capable of this? If so, let's take a look.
Vijen, WHAT DO YOU SAY AND WHAT CAN YOU DO?

SInning? Naaahhhhh!! Sinning would be making a Lamborghini Prayer, since God made perfection.

jeffsquire · 11-17-2006, 04:11 PM

RandallNeighbor, WHEre are you?!! We're awaiting your diving guidance!!

RandallNeighbour · 11-19-2006, 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jeffsquire

RandallNeighbor, WHEre are you?!! We're awaiting your diving guidance!!

I am here, my son. What doth thou needest now?

jeffsquire · 11-21-2006, 04:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RandallNeighbour

I am here, my son. What doth thou needest now?

__________________________
OK Randall. I've obviously created some controversy here, but you being the man of faith, and considering the season right before Thanksgiving, can you give us an appropriate prayer for the season, our families and our Porsches? Remember, humorous but appropriate.

Dr. Kill · 11-21-2006, 04:40 PM

Am I the only one bothered by this thread?

unklekraker · 11-21-2006, 04:51 PM

i guess coz' your the first one who reply to it

what does bother you? by jeff asking publiclyabout prayer or you think it's demeaning to the prayer? just asking...no controversy needed (*flame suit on*)

RandallNeighbour · 11-21-2006, 04:58 PM

I think it's kind of silly, but it doesn't bother me. Of course, there's a lot of silly posts on this board that I don't read and no one is forcing members to read this one either.

Jeff, rest assured that I have already offered up a prayer for the members of this forum, your families and safety for our fine German automobiles. Consider that done. The exact prayer, however, need not be typed out here. Some would be offended because I didn't pray to their god or be inclusive enough or whatever. Let's not start a holy war on a nice boxster site like this!

I am thankful beyond words for my friends here. What brought us here was our common love and ownership of a car, but what keeps us here is the friendships we've formed, the banter we exchange and the help we offer one another. Yes, I have a lot to be thankful for this holiday!

Sorry, Jeff. Not funny, but it sure is heartfelt. You people are the best!