Accident This Morning!

[Blkboxster]

Originally Posted by bmussatti

After the accident, I went to the Social Security office
to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for
my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized
I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
have to go home and come back later

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You
might have gotten disability, too'

And then the fight started .....

HAHAHA TOOOOO FUNNY

When I got home tonight, my wife demanded that I
take her someplace expensive....
so, I took her to a gas station.....

and then the fight started ....

[coreseller]

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started

[Brucelee]

You guys are just too funny.

Thanks for a great day.

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon 'quickie' with their
8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony
with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into
operation:

- 'There's a car being towed from the parking lot,' he shouted.

- 'An ambulance just drove by!'

- 'Looks like the Andersons have company,' he called out.

- 'Matt's riding a new bike!'

- 'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'

- 'Jason is on his skate board!'

- After a few moments he announced,
'The Coopers are having sex!!'

Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed!
Dad cautiously called out,
'How do you know they are having sex?'

'Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle.'

[jmatta]

It's a Rodney Dangerfield kind of night...can't get any respect!

Probably not the first time that dwarf got rear-ended.

[Rick V]

Originally Posted by coreseller

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started

Bwahahahahaa, I am so going to use that one! Trust me the chance will arise.

[Frodo]

Okay, here ya go:

Little Johnny's neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born
without ears. When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital,
Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and
explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so
much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the
word 'ears' he would get the spanking of his life when they came back
home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny
looked in the crib he said,' What a beautiful baby.'

The mother said, 'Why, thank you, Little Johnny.'

Johnny said, 'He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands,
cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?'

'Yes, the mother replied, 'we are so thankful. The doctor said he will
have 20/20 vision '

'That's great,' said little Johnny, 'cuz he'd be ********************-outta-luck if he
needed glasses.'

[chitowndad]

Two guys are having a beer in a bar and one says to the other guy.
Everytime we go out for a beer my wife yells at me.
When I get home I turn the car off on the driveway and let it coast.
I enter the house w/o turning on any lights.
I take my shoes off before getting in the house.
I creep up the stairs and quietly slide into bed to which my wife wakes up and starts yelling at me.
You've been out too long, and smell bad.

The other guys says
Wow you've got it bad.
I come home and drive really fast up the driveway.
Slam the car door.
Turn on every light.
Throw my shoes against the wall.
Jump into the bed
Slap my wife in the ass and say
Let's have sex

She never wakes up!

[nefarious986]

LMAO .. omg .. u guys kill me ..