I think I may have just had the best luck ever (and it's been a ****************ty week so this is perfect). But my coworker cleaned a majority of the corossion off of the Alarm CU and we plugged it back into my car. The car turned on immediately, the dome light is working now, the windows are working properly and the car is locking properly! Nothing is broken anymore as far as I can tell! The Comfort Setting for the windows doesn't work but that's something I could live without!
We'll do some more tests and see what happens.