The Porsche Prayer

[unklekraker]

OMG, Jeff....I almost fell of my chair laughing coz' after I read it, I found my two hands clasp together, like when you are actually praying and at the end I EVEN SAID Amen
oh yah, my co-worker thinks i'm going nuts coz' i can't stop laughing..hehehehehe!

*may i ask a permission to print so I could post it in my desk and garage

[CJ_Boxster]

LMAO, Jeff, I dont think it'll ever get better than that! LOL Ill say this prayer before i sleep and i before i pull out the garage.

Hey you should make those Laminate prayer cards that people clip to there sunvisor... they usually have a picture of a saint on it also.

For now, post it in a section of this forum so it wont ever be lost and will have its own thread.

[djomlas]

a little tricky to read, but very nice, i liked that one

[jeffsquire]

Originally Posted by unklekraker

OMG, Jeff....I almost fell of my chair laughing coz' after I read it, I found my two hands clasp together, like when you are actually praying and at the end I EVEN SAID Amen
oh yah, my co-worker thinks i'm going nuts coz' i can't stop laughing..hehehehehe!

*may i ask a permission to print so I could post it in my desk and garage

___________________________________

Feel free to copy, distribute, quote, whatever. If you ever laminate though make sure to send me a copy.

Ooops, I forgot this.

"Dear lord, I am thy servant, and through the ages you've give your servants the sword and shield of thy wrath. . . .
. . . .Lord, please emblazen my shield with thePorsche, Stuttgart/Zuffenhausen logo. . . .Amen

[unklekraker]

Originally Posted by jeffsquire

___________________________________

Feel free to copy, distribute, quote, whatever. If you ever laminate though make sure to send me a copy.

Ooops, I forgot this.

"Dear lord, I am thy servant, and through the ages you've give your servants the sword and shield of thy wrath. . . .
. . . .Lord, please emblazen my shield with thePorsche, Stuttgart/Zuffenhausen logo. . . .Amen

first thing tomorrow morning @ work...will print it out
That last one, really sealed the prayer for all of us!
*can't wait to show it to my Pastor

[djomlas]

how the hell do u steal litronisc?

[jeffsquire]

Originally Posted by djomlas

how the hell do u steal litronisc?

___________________________

Apparently it's the latest fad in Florida, according to our community posts.

[CJ_Boxster]

Originally Posted by djomlas

how the hell do u steal litronisc?

You get some tool to firmly grab the edges of the headlight and pull forward very hard, itll snap a peice of plastic off the sliding bracket... I know this cause i turnd my headlight removal tool the wrong way and snapped a peice off but the lamp still came out, I assume thats how it would be done.

[jeffsquire]

Originally Posted by unklekraker

first thing tomorrow morning @ work...will print it out
That last one, really sealed the prayer for all of us!
*can't wait to show it to my Pastor

__________________

Look at my original post. I added the shield thing and made some corrections. Ronzi's line is so good that it deserves to be there as well.

Ronzi, you gave me the inspiration.

[jeffsquire]

The NEW AGE, politcially correct Porsche prayer.

Dear mother earth. We worship you because you begat us and no one and nothing else. We worship your dirt, trees and water for these are the elements of life.

Thank you for my newest Tofu colored Porsche given to me by my companion for the Winterfest. WE’ve just celebrated our 117th Sundial week anniversary. The keys were wrapped right under the Winterfest tree. My companion and I sang Winterfest songs, Drank winterfest egg nog made from organic chickens who were not slaughtered or used for cosmetic purposes, and ate winterfest cake baked in our sun oven.

Mother earth, forgive the streetcorner independent, unlicensed pharmaceutical distrubutors in the urban centers whom I roll up to on weekends in my Porsche, for they haveth no choice, b/c there’s no jobs out there because of that evil man in the Whitehouse. Except protect my independent, unlicensed pharmacuetal distributer who provides necessary temporary relief for these stressful times of unemployment, stockmarket depression, starvation and hate. After all, this is such a horrible country.

Bless my Medical Marijuana faith healer who also drives a porsche. And thank you for letting him provide me with legal prescriptions of Xanax, Nebutal, Vicodin and Oxicondin in full-strength 250mg tabs, 250 count, with 12 refills. I thank you for my healer, especially when my inner city pharmacuetical distributer is incarcarated for “crimes” aginst “society.”

Bless and protect all living things, but also bless my Porsche. Bless the leather seats which give me comfort and look great, and forgive the evil profiteering murderer who killed a cow to procure it. The good thing is I’m sure the leather came from an organic cow raised on natural grass with his own private bathing facilities. After all, the grain in the leather resembles the beangrass I make my tea out of.

Forgive the evil money hungy harmdoers who destroy the greenery of your earth. Forgive the loggers. And thank you for me and my companions new Loghouse.
Forgive the farmers who grow your greenery only to kill and exploit their product to sell at the markets. But thank you for my Pumpkin/Dandelion spice frappachino.

In the future please amalgamate a Prius and a Boxster so I feel better about driving to my Pilates classes. Forgive me for using a plastic cushion during those classes instead of pesticide-free-raised cotton. Plastic is a by-product of oil, and oil is simply evil. Somehow bless the makers of Prius’ even though battery production is caustic, involves child-slave labor, and devastates the enviroment. Your creation, Mother Earth.

Please get rid of all guns, weapons and violence, because they never solved anything except slavery, fascism and communism. However protect my bodyguard and please allow his pistol permit to be renewed for another 3 years like Rosie O’Donnell’s did.

Finally, Mother Earth, as I walk through thy forests on my hemp slippers, forgive all of those who say one thing and do another.

Amen.