Dear new Porsche owner... - 986 Forum - The Community for Porsche Boxster & Cayman Owners

Sammy · 07-25-2006, 12:38 PM

Dear new Porsche owner,

Congratulations on your purchase of one of the world's finest automobiles. In order to make your ownership experience more pleasurable, we would like to warn you of the dumbs@#t items that we have designed into your automobile so that we no longer have liability for anything that may be considered a warranty item. These items are as follows:

1) Your speedometer will most likely be off significantly. We do this in order to keep your dumba$$ from getting speeding tickets. We will even put this in writing that our speedometers are off and we will not fix them. Our lack of accuracy is actually part of our precision engineering. We are better than the Audi's and the Nissan's of the world; therefore, when you pace them and their speeds match a GPS almost identically and your car is off by 7 mph you need to remember that you are driving a Porsche and we care about you not getting speeding tickets.
2) We want to make sure you never for a moment stop thinking about your Porsche. We have done this by spooking almost every owner into thinking that they will have a catastrophic engine failure which will cost a minor fortune to fix. We have introduced our "entry level" Porsche but still maintain that you should pay an arm and a leg for repairs.
3) One of the best options on your new vehicle is the automatic convertible top. With the stopping of the vehicle, pulling of the parking brake, pushing a switch, about halfway up getting out of your vehicle to do "the chop", getting back in your vehicle, and pushing the switch again, releasing the parking brake, you will feel the rush of the wind through your hair. This is a maintenance item so if it breaks you will have to bargain with us to determine if we will cover it under warranty or not. If not, please plan to write a check for $3500 to have a Porsche dealer replace it.
4) We are firm believers in a good maintenance program. Because a car can be driven by a human being and the wheels turn the vehicle can be considered a maintenance item. Your factory warranty should cover anything that is not between the bumpers.
5) The Porsche name is priceless and should be considered as such when buying OEM parts. The same blow off valve that we buy from Bosch and slap our name on it for our early 90's turbo models will cost you $1000. Don't bother dealing with Bosch direct to buy the same part for $25 because you don't get the $5 worth of hose with our name on the box.

Please feel free to add the list. I am coming off a poor dealership experience which made me think of a few things.

Disclaimer: I put this together out of frustration but still absolutely love my car! It carries the same sleek lines that I fell in love with as a boy and I love driving it! I do not lose sleep over these things, just thought it might be somewhat humorous if they would put this in the front of the owner's manual.

Brucelee · 07-25-2006, 03:00 PM

Pretty good stuff. Funny and sad at the same time.

Better luck in the future!

Rail26 · 07-25-2006, 03:10 PM

Dear Porsche,

Thanks for designing a solid windstop. I love the fact that my windstop is louder than my radio. I love that fact that my windstop shakes worse than Kathryn Hepburn on a cold day. I also want to thank you for charging me over 300 clams for it. Cheers Mate.

Your biggest fan,

LB

kabel · 07-25-2006, 03:17 PM

#2 is very funny, experienced that for the first six weeks or so

super66 · 07-25-2006, 10:15 PM

#2 I still have nightmares and again primarily cause of my friends on this forum consistenly reminding me of RMS failure....one interesting topic....I though it was just me but everyone once in a while my top just stops mid air and I have to hit the switch again or start to close then open again.....hmmmm.....

needless to say I still love the damn thing....but I'll let everything pile up before taking it into the dealer

PAH · 07-26-2006, 03:37 AM

Extremely amusing, and frighteningly true. I especially like #3.

As for the warranty covering everything that is not between the bumpers.....hmmm, don't think it is even as good as that.

I just had the gear selector fail - quoted £600 to fix. Not under warranty because it is a 'wear and tear' item. I guess Porsche gearbox kit is only designed to last 3 years then...

IowaS · 07-26-2006, 07:16 AM

Everytime I read one of these posts I shake my head. What happened to Porsche reliability. Anyone who has been to a 24 hour race or other endurance race and listens to people always hear that...I know that these are different cars, but why does this not translate to production???

On a side note on the windstop, I actually had to take mine out this weekend on a trip back to my hometown for fear it was going to fly out of the car...

MNBoxster · 07-26-2006, 07:44 AM

Hi,

Usually, everytime there's a post critical of Porsche or Porsche Quality, any number of True Believers will pull their head out of the Sand and come forward to lambaste the offender who was vile enough to place their beloved Marque in a Bad Light, I mean How Dare They...

They'll go on to assert how Great Porsche is (read was) and that the author of the thread is an ingrateful sod who doesn't realize how Privileged he is to even own one of these cars to begin with. That all cars have flaws, but not all cars are Porsches, in essence to; Live it or Live with it!.

But you can't blame the Subject for pointing out that the Emperor has no Clothes, especially if this is true. Guess they got up late this morning, but I doubt in the end I'll be proven wrong...

Happy Motoring!... Jim'99

Brucelee · 07-26-2006, 07:46 AM

Unless folks are posting these stories with no basis, Porsche has some REAL issues.

I see NO indication that the mothership finds these data useful at all.

The Emperor indeed has no clothes.

PS-time to install that LS1 in the 968 like I have been planning.

Hmmmmmm

Perfectlap · 07-26-2006, 08:35 AM

re #3,
I have NEVER done the chop regularly and have ZERO crease in my window.
Try lowering such that it bends correctly on its own (may take a few tries) and leave it down for several hours. Raise the top and lower it again, WITHOUT touching the window. Over time the plastic forms its own bend and 'remembers' where to crease perfectly.

As far as having to stop to lower the top this is for good reason. You can get the clamshell out of alignment if a wind gust gets in there. If you are that impatient you can always cover up the approriate pin on the top relay with scotch tape. Just pull one click on the e-brake so that the light comes on dash and you can lower your top while in 1st gear.

as far as Porsche, they are just as greedy as all the other European car builders.
If you want to drive a japanese roadster or the new soltice go right ahead but you passed up on those for a reason didn't you?

Porsche has it problems some permanent apparently its a condition called arrogance and they are compromising their motorsports to sell 911's to middle aged starbucks mocha latte frufru drinkers but at the end of the day
ITS A PORSCHE!!!
something I am reminded of everyday when I drive down the hill from my home and take this awesome left right left bender to then merge onto the freeway in a glorious 0-55 (cough.) merge.
15 seconds of bliss without an S2000 motorcyle engine making allot of fuss.

I'm thinking about buying a 928 and a BMW 850. I want a miami vice retro garage.

JackG · 07-26-2006, 09:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MNBoxster

Hi,

Usually, everytime there's a post critical of Porsche or Porsche Quality, any number of True Believers will pull their head out of the Sand and come forward to lambaste the offender who was vile enough to place their beloved Marque in a Bad Light, I mean How Dare They...

They'll go on to assert how Great Porsche is (read was) and that the author of the thread is an ingrateful sod who doesn't realize how Privileged he is to even own one of these cars to begin with. That all cars have flaws, but not all cars are Porsches, in essence to; Live it or Live with it!.

But you can't blame the Subject for pointing out that the Emperor has no Clothes, especially if this is true. Guess they got up late this morning, but I doubt in the end I'll be proven wrong...

By any definition, that was a troll.

Your "true believers" haven't shown up yet, but the two biggest Boxster/Porsche detractors on this forum have, and just two minutes apart. You and Brucelee should join forces and start an anti-Boxster forum (aka Corvette/Esprit forum).

And before you point a finger at me saying "I told you so!", understand this:
I made the choice to buy my Boxster. I love driving it, and understand that there is a risk that it might break. If it does, I'll fix it, and I won't whine about it, because it was my choice, and I am an adult. No one twisted my arm.

I'll say it just once... We all know how you guys feel. You've repeated it many times. Now stop whining about it... get over it already.

Have a nice day.

Brucelee · 07-26-2006, 09:45 AM

I am not whining and I never have. I have been consistent in my message which is:

The Boxster is a delight to drive and a delight to look at. I have owned a number of them and they always delight the senses.

The Boxster is overpriced for what Porsche offers. Repairs are similarly overpriced.

The Boxster could be MUCH more reliable and robust. Design flaws of 10 yrs duration are unacceptable in ANY car, period.

I stand by those assessments, which in the end, are just value judgments and opinions.

As are your statements.

Having said that, it is MY sandbox and I will continue to articulate my point of view. You are free to articulate yours.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JackG

By any definition, that was a troll.

Your "true believers" haven't shown up yet, but the two biggest Boxster/Porsche detractors on this forum have, and just two minutes apart. You and Brucelee should join forces and start an anti-Boxster forum (aka Corvette/Esprit forum).

And before you point a finger at me saying "I told you so!", understand this:
I made the choice to buy my Boxster. I love driving it, and understand that there is a risk that it might break. If it does, I'll fix it, and I won't whine about it, because it was my choice, and I am an adult. No one twisted my arm.

I'll say it just once... We all know how you guys feel. You've repeated it many times. Now stop whining about it... get over it already.

Have a nice day.

Sammy · 07-26-2006, 09:48 AM

My apologies for starting this... I was only trying to find some humor in my disappointment. Not one of the vehicles I have owned in my life has been flawless; however, the service I have received has always been better than my experiences with my Boxster so far (with the exception of one Nautique (boat) dealer that I will curse to this day). I do have higher expectation for vehicles that carry a higher price tag.

Brucelee · 07-26-2006, 09:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sammy

My apologies for starting this... I was only trying to find some humor in my disappointment. Not one of the vehicles I have owned in my life has been flawless; however, the service I have received has always been better than my experiences with my Boxster so far (with the exception of one Nautique (boat) dealer that I will curse to this day). I do have higher expectation for vehicles that carry a higher price tag.

No apologies needed. The car is a wonderful car, it is simply one that has flaws that cannot and should not be ignored.

Perhaps if Porsche got more feedback, they MIGHT attend to the recurring issues that have us commenting.

That would be a GOOD thing!

IowaS · 07-26-2006, 10:04 AM

I must admit that even though I have had my problems, I smile everytime I drive that car...cant say that about others I have owned...

Brucelee · 07-26-2006, 10:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by IowaS

I must admit that even though I have had my problems, I smile everytime I drive that car...cant say that about others I have owned...

I would agree. I think the enjoyment factor of the Box is even higher than the 911, at least for me it is.

IowaS · 07-26-2006, 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dbth

Boo Hoo , my car's not perfect.
Boo Hoo , my my repair bill is too expensive.
Boo Hoo , my ego wont let me sell my PORSCHE.

What a dilemma.

You were warned that the line has its flaws and the manufacturer is indifferent.
Yet you still bought it and can't part with it , no wonder PORSCHE is the most profitable per vehicle in the world.

Deal with it, fix it , or sell it.

Or you could trade it in for a new 987 (with a new waranty).

At least MACH SCHNELL dumped the wobblewagon and moved on.

Dude, I think you are missing the point...the car has issues that most owners know about before the purchase...I just hope it improves and over the past 9 yrs it hasn't...if I was that far on the edge of the cliff, I would sell it...no ego here..hell I live in Iowa...

denverpete · 07-26-2006, 11:04 AM

6) We know that many will envy your vehicle and probably want to steal it. For an extra charge we offer a security package which will notify you with a cheerful beep anytime you leave your console box unlocked. An interior sensor picks up anyone inside the car provided the top is down and they're sitting on the dashboard. None of this should be construed to imply that this security system will activate due to broken windows, accidents while your vehicle is parked, or if it's being towed. However, you should feel confident knowing it's protecting your investment. Maybe.

7) Please inspect all safety features on a regular basis. A helpful airbag warning light will come on periodically to remind you to replace your seat belt harness.

8) We at Porsche believe that racing should be done only on the track (or with the 911 series). To this end we've limited the horsepower of your vehicle so that you can appreciate the serenity of your surroundings as well as the tail lights of such famous sports cars as the Honda Accord V6 and Subaru Outback.

denverpete · 07-26-2006, 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dbth

...You were warned that the line has its flaws and the manufacturer is indifferent....

I certainly can't speak for everyone - but I sure as hell didn't know about the "flaws". Until I joined this forum, I didn't know anyone else who did either.

IowaS · 07-26-2006, 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dbth

Dude , I do get the point.
To say the car has not improved in 9 years is wrong.
I check this forum to find ways to make my ownership experience better and for the occasional laugh.I now know more about this car than most PORSCHE salemen and have picked up numerous tips/tricks.

BUT, it does get old lto read the threads with the same old crap about how crappy the car is...

Your right it does suck to read the same old s*&^. Maybe we should just be "that guy" who ownes a car and is completely oblivious...if the RMS goes out, "must be bad luck"...if the coolant tank cracks, "oh well back to the shop"...if the ignition swich goes, "bite the bullet one more time"....ignorance is bliss I guess.

I think you made a great point on why most of us are on this forum, to learn to make the experience better.