986 Forum - The Community for Porsche Boxster & Cayman Owners - View Single Post

Sammy · 07-25-2006, 12:38 PM

Dear new Porsche owner,

Congratulations on your purchase of one of the world's finest automobiles. In order to make your ownership experience more pleasurable, we would like to warn you of the dumbs@#t items that we have designed into your automobile so that we no longer have liability for anything that may be considered a warranty item. These items are as follows:

1) Your speedometer will most likely be off significantly. We do this in order to keep your dumba$$ from getting speeding tickets. We will even put this in writing that our speedometers are off and we will not fix them. Our lack of accuracy is actually part of our precision engineering. We are better than the Audi's and the Nissan's of the world; therefore, when you pace them and their speeds match a GPS almost identically and your car is off by 7 mph you need to remember that you are driving a Porsche and we care about you not getting speeding tickets.
2) We want to make sure you never for a moment stop thinking about your Porsche. We have done this by spooking almost every owner into thinking that they will have a catastrophic engine failure which will cost a minor fortune to fix. We have introduced our "entry level" Porsche but still maintain that you should pay an arm and a leg for repairs.
3) One of the best options on your new vehicle is the automatic convertible top. With the stopping of the vehicle, pulling of the parking brake, pushing a switch, about halfway up getting out of your vehicle to do "the chop", getting back in your vehicle, and pushing the switch again, releasing the parking brake, you will feel the rush of the wind through your hair. This is a maintenance item so if it breaks you will have to bargain with us to determine if we will cover it under warranty or not. If not, please plan to write a check for $3500 to have a Porsche dealer replace it.
4) We are firm believers in a good maintenance program. Because a car can be driven by a human being and the wheels turn the vehicle can be considered a maintenance item. Your factory warranty should cover anything that is not between the bumpers.
5) The Porsche name is priceless and should be considered as such when buying OEM parts. The same blow off valve that we buy from Bosch and slap our name on it for our early 90's turbo models will cost you $1000. Don't bother dealing with Bosch direct to buy the same part for $25 because you don't get the $5 worth of hose with our name on the box.

Please feel free to add the list. I am coming off a poor dealership experience which made me think of a few things.

Disclaimer: I put this together out of frustration but still absolutely love my car! It carries the same sleek lines that I fell in love with as a boy and I love driving it! I do not lose sleep over these things, just thought it might be somewhat humorous if they would put this in the front of the owner's manual.

07-25-2006, 12:38 PM	#1
Sammy Registered User Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Chicago Posts: 585	Dear new Porsche owner... Dear new Porsche owner, Congratulations on your purchase of one of the world's finest automobiles. In order to make your ownership experience more pleasurable, we would like to warn you of the dumbs@#t items that we have designed into your automobile so that we no longer have liability for anything that may be considered a warranty item. These items are as follows: 1) Your speedometer will most likely be off significantly. We do this in order to keep your dumba$$ from getting speeding tickets. We will even put this in writing that our speedometers are off and we will not fix them. Our lack of accuracy is actually part of our precision engineering. We are better than the Audi's and the Nissan's of the world; therefore, when you pace them and their speeds match a GPS almost identically and your car is off by 7 mph you need to remember that you are driving a Porsche and we care about you not getting speeding tickets. 2) We want to make sure you never for a moment stop thinking about your Porsche. We have done this by spooking almost every owner into thinking that they will have a catastrophic engine failure which will cost a minor fortune to fix. We have introduced our "entry level" Porsche but still maintain that you should pay an arm and a leg for repairs. 3) One of the best options on your new vehicle is the automatic convertible top. With the stopping of the vehicle, pulling of the parking brake, pushing a switch, about halfway up getting out of your vehicle to do "the chop", getting back in your vehicle, and pushing the switch again, releasing the parking brake, you will feel the rush of the wind through your hair. This is a maintenance item so if it breaks you will have to bargain with us to determine if we will cover it under warranty or not. If not, please plan to write a check for $3500 to have a Porsche dealer replace it. 4) We are firm believers in a good maintenance program. Because a car can be driven by a human being and the wheels turn the vehicle can be considered a maintenance item. Your factory warranty should cover anything that is not between the bumpers. 5) The Porsche name is priceless and should be considered as such when buying OEM parts. The same blow off valve that we buy from Bosch and slap our name on it for our early 90's turbo models will cost you $1000. Don't bother dealing with Bosch direct to buy the same part for $25 because you don't get the $5 worth of hose with our name on the box. Please feel free to add the list. I am coming off a poor dealership experience which made me think of a few things. Disclaimer: I put this together out of frustration but still absolutely love my car! It carries the same sleek lines that I fell in love with as a boy and I love driving it! I do not lose sleep over these things, just thought it might be somewhat humorous if they would put this in the front of the owner's manual.