Post a joke...
 

Two scientists walk into a restaurant. First asks for H2O.

Second says, I'll have H2O too.

One lives.

With all this talk of gay marriage, did you hear about the two antennas that got married?

The wedding was Ok, but the reception was great!

Did you hear about the Polish lesbian ? She liked men.

A cow, a pig and a chicken walk into a Texas BBQ joint.

The End.

TO

So I went out to the garage today and my dog was literally drinking all the gas the had spilled out of a can that fell over. I had just filled it up as it was empty and down here in Fl we are still mowing.

Anyway so my dog is drinking all this gas and I ran over to make him stop and he started running around in circles. Never seen him run that fast...it had to have been 5 minutes in a circle. All of a sudden he just stopped and fell over. Poor thing...he ran out of gas.

I crack myself up. I'll be here all week people. N don't forget to tip your waitress.

A sodium atom is shopping in a store. A Chlorine atom walks up and starts hitting it, then grabs it and won't let go.

The chlorine atom is arrested for committing assault.

An attractive airline stewardess asks a male passenger if he would like some TWA coffee, and the man responds by saying no, but I'd like some TWA 't".

An old joke, but still one of my favorites...
 

A salesman was driving along when he got a flat tire on his car. He pulled over to change the tire. After placing the spare tire on the car, he looked around but couldn't find any of the lug nuts. He noticed that the ground where he put the lug nuts sloped down towards a sewer grate and realized the nuts probably rolled down the slope and into the open grate.

"What am I going to do now?" he wondered aloud.

"I have a solution." came a voice from nowhere.

The salesman turned and realized that he was parked in front of a mental institution and a patient had been watching the whole scene unfold from behind the fence.

"What is your solution? asked the salesman.

"Take one lug nut from each of the other 3 wheels and use those three to hold the fourth wheel on until you can drive slowly over to a garage to replace the missing lug nuts." said the patient.

"What an intelligent solution" exclaimed the salesman. "Why didn't I think of that??"

"Hey, I'm in here because I'm crazy...not because I'm stupid."

A tangled string walks into a bar. The bar tender says, "Hey Buddy we don't serve your kind here. Aren't you a string?" The string replies, " 'fraid not!"

Cops get called to domestic violence call. Show up, and find a Porsche with golf clubs everywhere and the car is beat to hell. Golf clubs in the intake, all glass smashed, every panel just beat beyond recognition. All tires flat.

Cop asks "my God, how many times did you hit this thing???"

Guy says sheepishly............put me down for an 8....

What is brown and sticky?






A stick.

/

Lemme guess............you went to Parochial school, right? ;)

TO

no, pyrotechnical school.

Why are hamburgers so smart ? Because they went to "cow-lege".

What do you call George Washington’s false teeth? Presidentures.

Just for that........

Guy goes to the dentist. Has a problem with his upper plate.

Dentist asks what he's been eating?? Says he loves eggs Benedict. Eats it every day.

Dentist says oh, I see the problem. You need a chrome upper plate!

Guy says why??

Dentist says...........(wait for it).............

















There's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise........

Take this !

Why couldn't the Polack call 911?
He couldn't find the 11 on the phone!

Knock knock

Who's there??

Post a joke
 

Jim runs into an old friend, Bob, who he hasn't seen in a while and asks how he's been. Bob replies "Not so good. The other day I went home early from work with a splitting headache and found my wife with another". Jim replies in shock "You're kidding, you found her with another man?". Bob says "No, with another headache!". They laugh at Bob's joke and Jim says "I'm going to have to use that on someone". The next day Jim runs into another old friend, Kurt, who asks Jim how he's been. Jim replies "Not so good. The other day I went home early from work with a splitting headache and found my wife with another". Kurt replies "Well, Jim, I knew that was going on but I didn't have the heart to tell you".

Alas for little Willy
We'll be seeing him no more
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4

Blind guy walks into Macy's near the escalators in the middle of the store.

He grabs his assist-dog by the tail and swings it around over his head.

The dog is making an awful racket from the pain, and a manager comes up and asks what the blind guy is doing.

He says, "not much. Just taking a look around"

There once was this guy from Nantucket.......

Doctor tells his elderly patient, "I have bad news, you have cancer and you have Alzheimer's". The guy replies, "at least I don't have cancer".

Man takes his wife to the doctor.
Doctor say he has bad news... his wife either has Alzheimer's or a bad venereal disease.
What should I do ask the man.
Doctor tells him to drop his wife off three blocks from their home. .. . if she comes home don't have sex with her.

Doctor sees an elderly couple.

Tells the man he has severe hearing loss, and his wife has acute angina.

Man says, I know she does! Why do you think I married her??!!

Diagnosis: Doctor tells a man he has a terminal illness with 6 months to live.

Prognosis: Doctor tells him to marry a Jewish woman and move to Buffalo - it will be the longest 6 month of his life.

Woman asks pharmacist about Viagra.

Do you carry it? Yes.

Can I get that over the counter? Only if I take two.......

Confucius say: A joke is like sex. Neither is any good if you don't get it.

Man who board airplane sideways going to Bangkok.

How do you get a heavy metal guitarist off your porch?





Pay for the pizza. :)

What do you call a drummer who just broke up with his girlfriend?











Homeless.

What do you call a guy who likes to hang around talented musicians?












The bass player.

How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb?













Just one. He holds up the bulb and the world revolves around him.

Ollie & Sven at the beach, trying hard to impress the women. Ollie tells Sven to put a potato in his swim suit. He does so, with no luck.

“No no no, Sven. I meant for you to put it in the front of your suit.”

There was a young lady from Kew

Who filled her v*gina with glue

She said with a grin "if they'll pay to get in,

They'll pay to get out of it too!! "

Past , Present and Future walk into a bar...it was tense.

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.

Three employees of the Department of Motor vehicle licenses walk into a bar. If you want to hear the punch line, you'll have to wait in line for three hours.

An Irishman walks out of a bar...................





AKL