09-28-2008, 03:19 AM
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#1
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Scottsville Va
Posts: 109
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Quote:
Originally Posted by coreseller
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started
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Bwahahahahaa, I am so going to use that one! Trust me the chance will arise.
__________________
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Go Army
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09-28-2008, 05:00 AM
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#2
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,029
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Okay, here ya go:
Little Johnny's neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born
without ears. When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital,
Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and
explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so
much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the
word 'ears' he would get the spanking of his life when they came back
home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny
looked in the crib he said,' What a beautiful baby.'
The mother said, 'Why, thank you, Little Johnny.'
Johnny said, 'He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands,
cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?'
'Yes, the mother replied, 'we are so thankful. The doctor said he will
have 20/20 vision '
'That's great,' said little Johnny, 'cuz he'd be ********************-outta-luck if he
needed glasses.'
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09-28-2008, 05:43 AM
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#3
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Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Chicago suburbs
Posts: 379
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Two guys are having a beer in a bar and one says to the other guy.
Everytime we go out for a beer my wife yells at me.
When I get home I turn the car off on the driveway and let it coast.
I enter the house w/o turning on any lights.
I take my shoes off before getting in the house.
I creep up the stairs and quietly slide into bed to which my wife wakes up and starts yelling at me.
You've been out too long, and smell bad.
The other guys says
Wow you've got it bad.
I come home and drive really fast up the driveway.
Slam the car door.
Turn on every light.
Throw my shoes against the wall.
Jump into the bed
Slap my wife in the ass and say
Let's have sex
She never wakes up!
__________________
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09-28-2008, 01:15 PM
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#4
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Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: San Jose, CA
Posts: 207
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LMAO .. omg .. u guys kill me ..
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09-28-2008, 01:27 PM
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#5
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Registered User
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: chicago
Posts: 3,510
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haha, leave it to Bill to start some ******************** up LOL
freggin hilarious
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colormatched bumperettes::Top Speed Pro-1 exhaust::
my cardomain/pictures page
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09-29-2008, 04:33 AM
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#6
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Registered User
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,029
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Another:
A man was at the country club for his weekly round of golf. He began his
round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie on the second. On the
third hole he had just scored his first ever hole-in-one when his cell phone
rang.
It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible
accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.
The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be
there as soon as possible.
As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best
ever round of golf. He decided to get in a couple of more holes before
heading to the hospital.
He ended up playing all eighteen of course, finishing his round shooting a
personal best 61, shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his
previous best game by more than 10. He was jubilant....... then he
remembered his wife.
Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the corridor
and asked about his wife's condition.
The doctor glared at him and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your
round of golf didn't you!? I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were
out for the past four hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife
has been languishing in the ICU!
It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round because it will be
more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she will require 'round
the clock' care. And, you'll be her 24/7 caregiver!"
The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed.
The doctor snickered and said, "I'm just messing with ya. She's dead.
What'd you shoot?"
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09-29-2008, 07:25 AM
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#7
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Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In the garage...
Posts: 1,737
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