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Old 02-06-2007, 09:54 AM   #1
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The reason why I dont do change oil on my own.

*Disclaimer: This is just for fun, do not follow the instruction but when you do follow the Woman's way, just becareful, there might be a giant can of beer that's going to fall from sky.

This is why I don't change the oil in our cars on my own anymore...but it doesnt mean I'm a woman...ahahahahahaha!

-Gerry

Oil Change Instruction for Women and Men

Women:
1) Pull up to Porsche Indy shop when the mileage reaches 8000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 30 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change $120.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $121.00

Men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of Mobil 1 Full synthetic Oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $80.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess
skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in ten fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands.
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
Parts $80.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $20.00
Total -- $4,175.00

But you know the job was done right!


Last edited by unklekraker; 02-06-2007 at 11:27 AM.
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Old 02-06-2007, 10:01 AM   #2
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LMAO!!!

Now to find that hidden camera in the garage....
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Old 02-06-2007, 10:23 AM   #3
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31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

Not correct. Boxsters require 9&1/2 to 10 quarts of oil!!!! Then again, I guess it depends on how often you change your oil? Do you do it every 3,000 miles? That's not what the manual says.
You better ad some more oil. Do you have an owner's manual? Says it in there, once every 15,000 or once a year, whichever comes first. That's why you need 9-10 quarts. Hope you used Mobil 1 Full Snythetic.

Last edited by porsche986spyder; 02-06-2007 at 10:27 AM.
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Old 02-06-2007, 10:29 AM   #4
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UM, Did you realize it was a joke?
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Old 02-06-2007, 10:31 AM   #5
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Did some editing in case someone actually follow it with out reading the disclaimer...and yap, it' supposed to be a joke

good to hear from you, OHIO!
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Old 02-06-2007, 10:33 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ohioboxster
UM, Did you realize it was a joke?
No. I can never tell with some of these guys posts. People do some stupid things to their cars.

Last edited by porsche986spyder; 02-06-2007 at 11:32 AM.
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Old 02-06-2007, 10:36 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by porsche986spyder
No. I can never tell with some of these guys posts. People do some stupid things to there cars.
and that is why there's a disclaimer on beginning of the thread, my friend
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Old 02-06-2007, 11:02 AM   #8
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thats too funny man, i can sooo see that happening, but then again i dont drink beer, lol

and 986Spyder, man u need to hang out here some more to know if its a joke or not without even reading a disclaimer
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Old 02-06-2007, 11:13 AM   #9
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Ha!

I sure wish I could just drive the boxster over to JiffyLube and have them do the whole shooting match... using the right filter, the crush washer, the right oil, etc.!
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Old 02-06-2007, 11:29 AM   #10
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didn't even notice the name of the shop!

change from Jiffy to Porsche Indy shop to make it sound more realistic
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Old 02-06-2007, 11:35 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by unklekraker
didn't even notice the name of the shop!

change from Jiffy to Porsche Indy shop to make it sound more realistic
Yor right, I didn't even read that part. I just jumped down to the steps. LOL!
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Old 02-06-2007, 12:00 PM   #12
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Well since you are getting all "technical" on the steps to the joke, you should add one more.

xx.) Replace front bumper due to incorrect towing technique.

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Old 02-06-2007, 12:03 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Travis
Well since you are getting all "technical" on the steps to the joke, you should add one more.

xx.) Replace front bumper due to incorrect towing technique.

thats a good one! OR replace bent rear control arm from incorrect towing technique
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Old 02-06-2007, 12:23 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Travis
Well since you are getting all "technical" on the steps to the joke, you should add one more.

xx.) Replace front bumper due to incorrect towing technique.

I would but it might get too technical and someone might actually follow it..hahahaha!
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Old 02-06-2007, 01:26 PM   #15
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ROFL! Nice, UK.
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Old 02-06-2007, 01:50 PM   #16
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but DO you really change ur own oil, or do u take the car to the shop and hae them do it for you?
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Old 02-06-2007, 01:58 PM   #17
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Uh ahhemm . . . .

We are all waiting for your DIY guide with photos first, maybe change your oil same time you do the headers

I have not changed my oil yet, but got some of the items mentioned above.
like items: 3, 13, 21, 28, 30, 32 and 35




Quote:
Originally Posted by djomlas
but DO you really change ur own oil, or do u take the car to the shop and hae them do it for you?
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Old 02-06-2007, 02:13 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by djomlas
but DO you really change ur own oil, or do u take the car to the shop and hae them do it for you?
nope..I've never change my own oil yet on the Box or on the Benz'. I figure by the time I purchase all the parts needed and my time tinkering around the garage, it's worth paying the extra $60 to $80 to the Indy shop that's been recommended
now with my 83 Bronco II...it's a DIY, sometimes and it depends if I have a coupon..hehehehehehe!
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Old 02-06-2007, 02:13 PM   #19
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my DIY has no beer involved

but if you guys want to, i can sure as hell find a step where it would be appropreate if i was a beer drinker...hehehe
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Old 02-06-2007, 02:24 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by djomlas
my DIY has no beer involved

but if you guys want to, i can sure as hell find a step where it would be appropreate if i was a beer drinker...hehehe
same here...been alcohol free for the past 10 years!

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