Dear new Porsche owner...
 

Dear new Porsche owner,

Congratulations on your purchase of one of the world's finest automobiles. In order to make your ownership experience more pleasurable, we would like to warn you of the dumbs@#t items that we have designed into your automobile so that we no longer have liability for anything that may be considered a warranty item. These items are as follows:

1) Your speedometer will most likely be off significantly. We do this in order to keep your dumba$$ from getting speeding tickets. We will even put this in writing that our speedometers are off and we will not fix them. Our lack of accuracy is actually part of our precision engineering. We are better than the Audi's and the Nissan's of the world; therefore, when you pace them and their speeds match a GPS almost identically and your car is off by 7 mph you need to remember that you are driving a Porsche and we care about you not getting speeding tickets.
2) We want to make sure you never for a moment stop thinking about your Porsche. We have done this by spooking almost every owner into thinking that they will have a catastrophic engine failure which will cost a minor fortune to fix. We have introduced our "entry level" Porsche but still maintain that you should pay an arm and a leg for repairs.
3) One of the best options on your new vehicle is the automatic convertible top. With the stopping of the vehicle, pulling of the parking brake, pushing a switch, about halfway up getting out of your vehicle to do "the chop", getting back in your vehicle, and pushing the switch again, releasing the parking brake, you will feel the rush of the wind through your hair. This is a maintenance item so if it breaks you will have to bargain with us to determine if we will cover it under warranty or not. If not, please plan to write a check for $3500 to have a Porsche dealer replace it.
4) We are firm believers in a good maintenance program. Because a car can be driven by a human being and the wheels turn the vehicle can be considered a maintenance item. Your factory warranty should cover anything that is not between the bumpers.
5) The Porsche name is priceless and should be considered as such when buying OEM parts. The same blow off valve that we buy from Bosch and slap our name on it for our early 90's turbo models will cost you $1000. Don't bother dealing with Bosch direct to buy the same part for $25 because you don't get the $5 worth of hose with our name on the box.

Please feel free to add the list. I am coming off a poor dealership experience which made me think of a few things.

Disclaimer: I put this together out of frustration but still absolutely love my car! It carries the same sleek lines that I fell in love with as a boy and I love driving it! I do not lose sleep over these things, just thought it might be somewhat humorous if they would put this in the front of the owner's manual.

Pretty good stuff. Funny and sad at the same time.

Better luck in the future!

I love the windstop
 

Dear Porsche,

Thanks for designing a solid windstop. I love the fact that my windstop is louder than my radio. I love that fact that my windstop shakes worse than Kathryn Hepburn on a cold day. I also want to thank you for charging me over 300 clams for it. Cheers Mate.

Your biggest fan,

LB

#2 is very funny, experienced that for the first six weeks or so :D

funny
 

#2 I still have nightmares and again primarily cause of my friends on this forum consistenly reminding me of RMS failure....one interesting topic....I though it was just me but everyone once in a while my top just stops mid air and I have to hit the switch again or start to close then open again.....hmmmm.....

needless to say I still love the damn thing....but I'll let everything pile up before taking it into the dealer :)

Extremely amusing, and frighteningly true. I especially like #3.

As for the warranty covering everything that is not between the bumpers.....hmmm, don't think it is even as good as that.

I just had the gear selector fail - quoted £600 to fix. Not under warranty because it is a 'wear and tear' item. I guess Porsche gearbox kit is only designed to last 3 years then...

Everytime I read one of these posts I shake my head. What happened to Porsche reliability. Anyone who has been to a 24 hour race or other endurance race and listens to people always hear that...I know that these are different cars, but why does this not translate to production???

On a side note on the windstop, I actually had to take mine out this weekend on a trip back to my hometown for fear it was going to fly out of the car...

Hi,

Usually, everytime there's a post critical of Porsche or Porsche Quality, any number of True Believers will pull their head out of the Sand and come forward to lambaste the offender who was vile enough to place their beloved Marque in a Bad Light, I mean How Dare They...

They'll go on to assert how Great Porsche is (read was) and that the author of the thread is an ingrateful sod who doesn't realize how Privileged he is to even own one of these cars to begin with. That all cars have flaws, but not all cars are Porsches, in essence to; Live it or Live with it!.

But you can't blame the Subject for pointing out that the Emperor has no Clothes, especially if this is true. Guess they got up late this morning, but I doubt in the end I'll be proven wrong...

Happy Motoring!... Jim'99

Unless folks are posting these stories with no basis, Porsche has some REAL issues.

I see NO indication that the mothership finds these data useful at all.

The Emperor indeed has no clothes.

PS-time to install that LS1 in the 968 like I have been planning.

Hmmmmmm

re #3,
I have NEVER done the chop regularly and have ZERO crease in my window.
Try lowering such that it bends correctly on its own (may take a few tries) and leave it down for several hours. Raise the top and lower it again, WITHOUT touching the window. Over time the plastic forms its own bend and 'remembers' where to crease perfectly.

As far as having to stop to lower the top this is for good reason. You can get the clamshell out of alignment if a wind gust gets in there. If you are that impatient you can always cover up the approriate pin on the top relay with scotch tape. Just pull one click on the e-brake so that the light comes on dash and you can lower your top while in 1st gear.


as far as Porsche, they are just as greedy as all the other European car builders.
If you want to drive a japanese roadster or the new soltice go right ahead but you passed up on those for a reason didn't you?

Porsche has it problems some permanent apparently its a condition called arrogance and they are compromising their motorsports to sell 911's to middle aged starbucks mocha latte frufru drinkers but at the end of the day
ITS A PORSCHE!!!
something I am reminded of everyday when I drive down the hill from my home and take this awesome left right left bender to then merge onto the freeway in a glorious 0-55 (cough.) merge.
15 seconds of bliss without an S2000 motorcyle engine making allot of fuss.

I'm thinking about buying a 928 and a BMW 850. I want a miami vice retro garage.

By any definition, that was a troll.

Your "true believers" haven't shown up yet, but the two biggest Boxster/Porsche detractors on this forum have, and just two minutes apart. You and Brucelee should join forces and start an anti-Boxster forum (aka Corvette/Esprit forum).

And before you point a finger at me saying "I told you so!", understand this:
I made the choice to buy my Boxster. I love driving it, and understand that there is a risk that it might break. If it does, I'll fix it, and I won't whine about it, because it was my choice, and I am an adult. No one twisted my arm.

I'll say it just once... We all know how you guys feel. You've repeated it many times. Now stop whining about it... get over it already.

Have a nice day.

I am not whining and I never have. I have been consistent in my message which is:

The Boxster is a delight to drive and a delight to look at. I have owned a number of them and they always delight the senses.

The Boxster is overpriced for what Porsche offers. Repairs are similarly overpriced.

The Boxster could be MUCH more reliable and robust. Design flaws of 10 yrs duration are unacceptable in ANY car, period.

I stand by those assessments, which in the end, are just value judgments and opinions.

As are your statements.

Having said that, it is MY sandbox and I will continue to articulate my point of view. You are free to articulate yours.

Sorry...
 

My apologies for starting this... I was only trying to find some humor in my disappointment. Not one of the vehicles I have owned in my life has been flawless; however, the service I have received has always been better than my experiences with my Boxster so far (with the exception of one Nautique (boat) dealer that I will curse to this day). I do have higher expectation for vehicles that carry a higher price tag.

No apologies needed. The car is a wonderful car, it is simply one that has flaws that cannot and should not be ignored.

Perhaps if Porsche got more feedback, they MIGHT attend to the recurring issues that have us commenting.

That would be a GOOD thing!

I must admit that even though I have had my problems, I smile everytime I drive that car...cant say that about others I have owned...

I would agree. I think the enjoyment factor of the Box is even higher than the 911, at least for me it is.

Dude, I think you are missing the point...the car has issues that most owners know about before the purchase...I just hope it improves and over the past 9 yrs it hasn't...if I was that far on the edge of the cliff, I would sell it...no ego here..hell I live in Iowa...

6) We know that many will envy your vehicle and probably want to steal it. For an extra charge we offer a security package which will notify you with a cheerful beep anytime you leave your console box unlocked. An interior sensor picks up anyone inside the car provided the top is down and they're sitting on the dashboard. None of this should be construed to imply that this security system will activate due to broken windows, accidents while your vehicle is parked, or if it's being towed. However, you should feel confident knowing it's protecting your investment. Maybe.

7) Please inspect all safety features on a regular basis. A helpful airbag warning light will come on periodically to remind you to replace your seat belt harness.

8) We at Porsche believe that racing should be done only on the track (or with the 911 series). To this end we've limited the horsepower of your vehicle so that you can appreciate the serenity of your surroundings as well as the tail lights of such famous sports cars as the Honda Accord V6 and Subaru Outback.

I certainly can't speak for everyone - but I sure as hell didn't know about the "flaws". Until I joined this forum, I didn't know anyone else who did either.

Your right it does suck to read the same old s*&^. Maybe we should just be "that guy" who ownes a car and is completely oblivious...if the RMS goes out, "must be bad luck"...if the coolant tank cracks, "oh well back to the shop"...if the ignition swich goes, "bite the bullet one more time"....ignorance is bliss I guess.

I think you made a great point on why most of us are on this forum, to learn to make the experience better.

This is a good point. I like to think that this forum has a unique balance that others like it do not.

That is to say, we do not drink the kool aid and worship at the altar, though we do admire and praise our cars for what they are.

We also do not "bash" the car endlessly for no good reason. I think we TRY to be fair and balanced in presenting with works and what does not work.

I don't think you will find that balance at the PCA for example.

Therein lies the rub... this forum seems to dwell on the flaws. We even have flaw cheerleaders who gleefully point them out at every opportunity.

Maybe you and the others you speak of didn't know about these flaws because they simply aren't as prevalent as this forum would lead you to believe. It's been pointed out that forums such as these attract people who are having problems and are seeking solutions. As such, the balance you see here is most likely skewed.

Out of the several Boxster owners in my area PCA group, NONE of them have had an RMS failure that I'm aware of. It's now time for one of the cheerleaders to give the hourly speech about how none of them have had a failure... YET! :matchup:

Forget about cheeleaders lets have some more pictures by Cartagena!!...I know I am missing the point of your post...I'm done..

its human nature to talk about whats wrong vs. what's right.
People also like the emotion of being adamant about something.

That's some good stuff. I think I wet myself laughing... :)

Hi,

Sorry to disturb your nap. You state the obvious when you say that buying the Boxster was your choice, I don't know anyone who did so with a gun to their head.

You seem to focus on my noting the flaws all the while ignoring those positive things I have to say about the car with respect to it's handling, style and comfort.

I'm sorry if it makes you feel bad if I criticize your car - wouldn't it be great if there was nothing to criticize? But, remember, this is my car as well, and my criticisms are aimed at those things which both should and could have been avoided, but they continue to this day after 10 years and 162,000 units produced (not counting 996/997s).

It's great that your car has yet to experience any of these flaws and that you won't complain of it should this happen, but let's just wait 'til that day to see how you'll truly react shall we?

We're not talking about annoyances here, but significant flaws which cost thousands to fix, flaws which should not be present in a car costing this much or produced by Porsche.

Finally, you may not have noticed, but you're under no obligation to read any of my contributions if you find them that disturbing. You have a nice day too...!

Happy Motoring!... Jim'99

"I would think if I ever have issues , I will post a thread looking for solutions and not bellyache endlessly about the product."

That is fine, for YOU.

Others feel differently. If you want to set the rules for a forum, you will have to go buy you own!

Capice?

Hey, I've lived thru a lot of Porsche "reliability." :ah: From spark plugs that fouled at the turn of a key, chain tensioners that failed regularly, and airboxes that annoyingly exploded at start-up.

But I have stayed with various Porsches for the past 36 years. A Camry is not an alternative for me. I tell people not to buy a Porsche if they can help themselves. Most of us in this forum appreciate the great and accept the not-so-great.

Which also keeps me coming back to associate with birds of my feather. :cheers:

He's not trying to "set the rules". He's just stating his opinion. We all know you're the boss here, and that you set the rules...you remind us about every week.

"Out of the several Boxster owners in my area PCA group, NONE of them have had an RMS failure that I'm aware of. It's now time for one of the cheerleaders to give the hourly speech about how none of them have had a failure... YET!"

Here is where you show your ignorance of what you are speaking about.

The RMS issue is widespread and widely talked about. There have been numerous discussions of this design flaw in the Panorama Magazine in the tech section. The writer there has explained in detail how this issue arises and the myriad of workarounds that Porshce has tried.

I have had several discussions on this very topic with my local service manager. He is very candid about this particular design flaw that is STILL NOT FIXED with the use of the Cayeene RMS.

Moreover, there is clearly a large number of intermediate shaft issues, which actually took out the engine on my neighbor's 04 Box.

This is not to diminish the outstanding driving experience that is the Boxster. It is only to put the onus for some pretty serious flaws back on Stuttgart, where they belong.

If that is an example of whining, it will continue unabated until these issues get addressed.

If you don't like that, don't read, or don't post.

I am fine about that.

Every other week I think!

This isn't fair, Richard! He's not "ignorant" as you state. He is sighting an example about his own personal experience within his circle of friends and Porsche contacts.

You should read my post again... I am anything but ignorant about the RMS issue. I never said that there is no issue, as you are implying. Rather, that statistically most owners would never know about this issue if it weren't for forums like this, or the tech section in Panorama (which is focused primarily on flaws!).

Anyway, I can see that you are getting irritated by this thread, and are beginning to take your usual heavy-handed approach. As you say, I am indeed free to not read, and not post. That attitude does amaze me however, as you seem to not care if you offend and run off the very people that the existence of this forum, and its sponsors, relies on. Strange business practice.

Peace out.

Yup. I never thought I'd find that old MG "quirkiness" in a car modern enough to enjoy every day. :)

Lucas refrigerators were why Brits drank warm beer! :cheers:

I clearly stated that he was ignorant "on the issue" not ignorant (it is clear he is a bring fellow!)

No offense meant!

Hi,

OK, Kevlar ON... here goes... Richard (aka Brucelee) and I do not always agree, in fact we've had the odd vehement disagreement from time-to-time.

But, I still think he does a fairly neutral job of moderating this forum (much better than some other Boxster Forums) and doesn't deserve the jabs coming his way in this thread. I know he's a Big-Boy and doesn't need any assistance from me, but I feel it needed to be said.

If the number of posts is any indication (which it may not be) some of those criticizing Richard may not have been around long enough to realize or appreciate this. Peace...

Happy Motoring!... Jim'99

Thanks Jim.

We long timers need to stick together!

I have given myself a time out, standing in the corner as we speak.

Sorry, no offense meant.

That's funny... if you'll notice MN, there's a join date in the upper right of each post from each member indicating their join date. I, and each of the others in this thread that are taking "jabs" at Bruce have been members as long, and in some cases much longer than you. We just don't make hundreds of posts a week. Life, and all... :rolleyes: