Alas for little Willy
We'll be seeing him no more
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4

Blind guy walks into Macy's near the escalators in the middle of the store.

He grabs his assist-dog by the tail and swings it around over his head.

The dog is making an awful racket from the pain, and a manager comes up and asks what the blind guy is doing.

He says, "not much. Just taking a look around"

There once was this guy from Nantucket.......

Doctor tells his elderly patient, "I have bad news, you have cancer and you have Alzheimer's". The guy replies, "at least I don't have cancer".

Man takes his wife to the doctor.
Doctor say he has bad news... his wife either has Alzheimer's or a bad venereal disease.
What should I do ask the man.
Doctor tells him to drop his wife off three blocks from their home. .. . if she comes home don't have sex with her.

Doctor sees an elderly couple.

Tells the man he has severe hearing loss, and his wife has acute angina.

Man says, I know she does! Why do you think I married her??!!

Diagnosis: Doctor tells a man he has a terminal illness with 6 months to live.

Prognosis: Doctor tells him to marry a Jewish woman and move to Buffalo - it will be the longest 6 month of his life.

Woman asks pharmacist about Viagra.

Do you carry it? Yes.

Can I get that over the counter? Only if I take two.......

Confucius say: A joke is like sex. Neither is any good if you don't get it.

Man who board airplane sideways going to Bangkok.

How do you get a heavy metal guitarist off your porch?





Pay for the pizza. :)

What do you call a drummer who just broke up with his girlfriend?











Homeless.

What do you call a guy who likes to hang around talented musicians?












The bass player.

How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb?













Just one. He holds up the bulb and the world revolves around him.

Ollie & Sven at the beach, trying hard to impress the women. Ollie tells Sven to put a potato in his swim suit. He does so, with no luck.

“No no no, Sven. I meant for you to put it in the front of your suit.”

There was a young lady from Kew

Who filled her v*gina with glue

She said with a grin "if they'll pay to get in,

They'll pay to get out of it too!! "

Past , Present and Future walk into a bar...it was tense.

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.

Three employees of the Department of Motor vehicle licenses walk into a bar. If you want to hear the punch line, you'll have to wait in line for three hours.

An Irishman walks out of a bar...................





AKL