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Jake,
I'm VP Marketing for a global company. 35+ years B2B and B2C experience. Ad copy, product literature, even gofundme pitches need to be well written and compelling. Yours doesn't quite measure up. If you were to rewrite it, what changes would you make?
Here's another question for you to ponder: why do you think the guy asking for money for beer and video games has received donations?
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2000 Boxster S, 6 speed, Sport Package, Litronics, LED tail lights, LNE IMS-B, OBC, Skybreaker wind deflector, Arctic Silver/Graphite Grey
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