Checked in on it before leaving for work this morning. Oil level gauge shows normal (was fine on the dipstick), coolant tank is okay (was my paranoia acting up
), still won't start. I'll check the RPMs with the Durametric this afternoon.
I'm going to swap out the DME relay for kicks tonight to see if that may be the issue (as I have an extra on hand). Hopefully this will be wrapped up shortly.
Thanks for the help guys!