A Potato Story

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MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT L.A. IS THE PEOPLE OUT THERE ARE JUST SO GOSHDARN PRETTY, MAN.

I'LL TELL YOU HOW IT HAPPENED. BACK IN THE '20s, THEY STARTED MAKIN' MOVIES OUT THERE, AND WHEN THEY DID, ALL THESE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE FROM ALL OVER AMERICA FLOCKED OUT THERE TO BE IN THE MOVIES.
THEY COULDN'T ALL BE IN THE MOVIES. SOME OF 'EM GOT REGULAR JOBS, BUT THEY MET THOSE PEOPLE THAT WERE IN THE MOVIES. THEY GOT TOGETHER, THEY HAD THESE BEAUTIFUL BABIES, AND THOSE BABIES GREW UP AND MET OTHER BABIES FROM THE SAME AREA, THEY GOT TOGETHER,AND HAD EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL BABIES.

AND ALMOST THE EXACT OPPOSITE THING IS HAPPENIN' RIGHT NOW IN KANSAS.
KANSAS IS FULL OF UGLY QUITTERS. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN THERE? IT'S TRUE. THOSE PEOPLE THAT LIVE ON THE WEST COAST, THEIR FOREFATHERS GOT ON THE OREGON TRAIL, AND FOUGHT HARDSHIPS YOU AND I CAN'T EVEN DREAM OF, WITH STARVATION AND WEATHER AND CROSSIN' THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS.
NOT THOSE PEOPLE IN KANSAS. THEIR FOREFATHERS GOT ON THE OREGON TRAIL, ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI. THEY GOT TO KANSAS AND SAID,

"SCREW IT! I'M STAYIN' HERE AND I'M GONNA MARRY THAT FAT GIRL RIGHT OVER THERE!"

"WE HAD A BABY. IT LOOKS LIKE A POTATO."

AND THAT POTATO GREW UP AND MET ANOTHER POTATO FROM THE SAME TOWN.

ABRACADABRA... TOPEKA!

-Ron White

(sorry about the caps. It came that way and I didn't want to re-type the whole thing)

[BIGJake111]

A true thesis on american reproduction trends! Should be published in time magazine.