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Old 12-21-2009, 10:00 PM   #1
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A Lil Xmas cheer...

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have
turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the
children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early
dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can
leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. "

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the
questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these b*tches would
keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

Cheers!

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Old 12-22-2009, 05:06 AM   #2
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lol good one
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Old 12-22-2009, 09:44 AM   #3
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I'm stealing that one.
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Old 12-22-2009, 09:48 AM   #4
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hahaha, that's a good one! lol

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Old 12-22-2009, 02:35 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chaudanova
hahaha, that's a good one! lol

It is ...as long as your not Tiger Woods!
Poor lamb, he's got feelings too remember
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Old 12-23-2009, 06:22 AM   #6
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Thanks for that, just in time for the joke exchange at the family xmas party.

There haven't been many good Tiger jokes!

Heard this week:

Last year's U.S.Open was the last time anybody saw Tiger limp.
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Old 12-23-2009, 08:54 AM   #7
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In keeping w/ the Tiger Holiday Cheer...

Holiday Card Elin sent out this year:



When the police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him she said "I don't know exactly...put me down for a 5."

Phil Mickelson contacted Tiger's wife to pick up tips on how to beat Tiger.

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2:30 in the morning? They went clubbing

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.

Ping just offered Elin an endorsement contract for her own set of drivers; to be named Elin Woods..."clubs you can beat Tiger with."

Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family--his new name?: Cheetah

Tiger was driving an Escalade, can he blame the accident on his caddy?

Hello Mister Woods this is the On Star operator we have detected that an angry person has put a golf club through your window, we are contacting Nike for a new club.

Who among us doesn't hear a car crash and immediately grab the closest golf club we can find??!!

Tiger's new movie: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.

Tiger Woods owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.



But in all the bad, Tiger has been able to get a new sponsor:


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