Alright, everything seems to check out (on the car/wiring side), my guess is that the cheaper sensors just aren't compatible with the olde schoole (note the extra "e"s, for extra old-timey-ness) DMEs.. Since I really don't have the spare time to be playing around, I'm going to see if I can send back the sensors that didn't work for me. If not, Look for a cheap set of sensors here in the next week or so. I'm going to just buy the Bosch ones from Advance Auto Parts for $80 a piece.
BinaryC Hasn't gotten back to me yet, so I'm guessing that I'm just SOL.
Such is life, eh?
Cheers!