After digging into it again today, I noticed that my manometer is in inches of mercury, and the correct crankcase measurement of 5in-H2O barely registers in it.
I also finally found somewhere to shove it in the plenum and found very steady vacuum around 16 in-Hg. I tried searching, but can't find any info on what the reading should be. A general search showed me that most cars should be steady between 15-22, so things look positive but I'd like more certainty.
If anyone is wondering as I was before, I unscrewed the little blanking plate on the rear of the passenger's side and jammed the manometer adapter in there, it worked like a charm.
Next step, I'll order a fuel filter, as I should replace it regardless of what's causing this issue.
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