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If the buyer agreed to pay the actual shipping cost, they should pay it. Period.
If you used PayPal you might have some recourse. FYI, I won't do friends/family PayPal payments anymore because you lose most/all protections, which screwed me over last year when poor packaging from a seller caused a $500 item to be destroyed and all I could recover was $150 from Fedex.
Large/heavy items can be tricky, vs a flat rate envelope/box. I normally weight everything at home (including the packaging I plan to use) and with a zip code I quote the buyer a realistic shipping estimate. If once I actually box it up I'm off by a few ounces, I will eat the few dollars difference. I never ship before I get paid. If you can't weight at home, it might be worth two trips to the post office for the bulkier items.
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1999 Ocean Blue Metallic Boxster - blueboxster.com
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