I appreciate your wifey problem. I learned long ago not discuss the cool car tricks with my wife. Of course, that cool feature of removing the headlights also makes them easy to steal.
As to the high beam/low beam. I read your post several times and admit I'm a bit confused. What's a "passenger side daytime light" setting?
Here's how the lights work. One click to the right is daytime lights (very low headlights and running lights). One more click right turns on the headlights (low or high depending upon whether you previously had turned on high beams using the left stalk). Pull out once and you get the front fogs. One more pull and you get the rear fog (I believe it turns the rear driver side brake light to on).
Did that answer your question?
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'06 Cayenne Turbo S, Beige Metallic/Tan
Ex - '99 Arctic Silver, Red Interior, Silver Top
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