[Mark_T]

One of my favorites. I hope I get a chance to actually use this one day.

A women gets pulled over on her way to work . The cop asks the usual question "Why are you in such a hurry?". The women replies that she is late for work and he cuts her off and says "I suppose you have a really important job like a doctor where it's a matter of life and death that you be there, huh?". The lady says "No, actually I am a a$shhole stretcher." The cop says "An a$shhole stretcher? What is that?". She says "It is where you start with one finger and then work in a second until you got your whole hand in there and then the other hand and you keep stretching until it is about six foot." The cop says "Well what do you do with a six foot a$shhole?" The lady says "Give him a gun and badge and have him pull people over that are late for work."