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One point in your note caught my attention. It was the one where you said that the passenger side door wont lock or unlock. Maybe there is a locking sensor problem in the passenger door. If after trying all of Tony_fury's suggestions, you might want to drive the car to a local AutoZone and ask them to check the fault codes.
The central locking system is complex and it has many sensors. It's possible that one of your sensors isn't working properly. When this happens you can get all sorts of intermittent behaviors. If any fault codes appear, they will give you a indication of what might be wrong.
Mine 01S acted up intermittently with all sort of symptoms. It had multiple fault codes and I had to go to the dealer to have it test the various central locking system components using the Porsche System tester. It was a bad passenger door latch mechanism.
Good luck
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