Update.
Ghostrider.. you're correct. They can't.
Dealer tells me that the spoke to tech-line. Tech-line suggests to replace DME and Alarm M531.
Dealer quotes me for parts: $5k for the DME, $460 for M531. I left the dealer with my one working key, and two that won't start the ignition.
A quick google pulls up
Specialized ECU Repair, Replacement, & Testing - Restore or Exchange your Electronic Control Unit (ECU). I'll be calling them shortly.