[Ronzi]

In a startling announcement carried exclusively by the small trade newspaper Der Stuttgarter Trottel, automotive manufacturer Porsche has announced that the 911 series of sports cars will be dropped at the end of the 2005 model year, replaced by four-door sedan named the Panamera.

The new car is reputed to be similar in appearance to the current 911 Carrera model, but with a wheelbase stretched by six inches and featuring a rear mounted version of the V8 engine currently used in the Porsche Cayenne SUV. The engine will reportedly drive the front wheels through a new constantly variable ratio automatic transmission. Porsche officials indicate the new car will be priced similar to it’s primary competition, the Mercedes Maybach.

Concurrent with these changes, the Carrera GT will be dropped from production due to disappointing sales. Sales of the GT “have been restricted primarily to Hollywood posers who will buy anything as long as it is horrendously expensive, and impossible to fix”, according to factory marketing sources. That market has now been saturated, leading to the demise of the model. The 605hp V10 engine developed for the Carrera GT has been designated for a new front-engine high performance coupe being developed under the engineering project number “928-and-a-half.”

In a related announcement, the Boxster line of convertible sports cars will inherit as standard equipment a 3.8 liter 375hp version of 6 cylinder engine used in the defunct 911 Carrera series. Officials do not expect to increase the price of the Boxster model, citing manufacturing efficiencies achieved by a new round of consultations with engineers from Toyota.
“Boxster owners have suffered long enough with the anemic performance of the standard model. We perceive this as a reward for our loyal customers”, commented a Porsche sales executive who preferred not to be identified.