The Porsche Prayer
 

I got this idea after reading OhioBoxster's thread regarding his headlights. RandallNeighbor created a prayer for him.

Then I thought, who could give us the greatest Porsche Prayer. Maybe when it's done and if we like it we could make a poster.

Bring em on!!

Keywords: (horse) Power, Glory, joy(stick),. . . .just some suggestions.

"Heavenly Father,
Thank you for the Porsche.
Amen."

I like to keep it short.

Matthew 6:7
And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words.

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Thank you jeph, but come on folks. Soldiers, nurses, doctors, policemen, firemen, all have prayers and saints. Surely you as porsche owners can think of something. Or do I sense guilt amongst the congregation?

Dear Lord. If I miss this tree, I will never drive like this again. Amen.

ROFL!!! The "If-Then" prayer, reminds me of Cobal in school. I'm sure there are a lot of the "Dear Lord, if his radar gun could only read 40mph lower....."

"O Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail me now." -Blue Brothers.

Heavenly Father, let this oil spot be from the MG ... please.

A variation on the prayer we should never pray:

Dear lord, get me through tonight and I swear I'll never drink again.

Or eat chicken ( Rail26 ) :chicken:

Nick

bwahahahaha!! That works with motorcycles, too.

The Porsche Prayer (Old Testament Version)
 

THE PORSCHE PRAYER (OLD TESTAMENT).

Lord, Let the check engine light be a surge from the nearby lighting strike, and not my mass air flow sensor.
But if the lightning strikes, Let the lightning strike me and not my Porsche, but if it does strike my Porsche, then please, Lord, strike my balding Bridgestone Pole Positions, which are all long overdue. . . .
Let the lightning strike not one, but all four tires. And let my insurance cover that Act of God, your lightning strike on my tires, and replaceth them with Pirellis.

Further Lord, Let my Porsche, my vehicle which You bequeathed me, protect me from those who wish harm upon me. . .

Let My first gear move quickly into second like Jehu on his Chariot, and pealeth out, and smoketh great plumes of heavenly dust to shieldeth my Porsche from the carjacker who pointeth his six-shooter at me. But if that Fiend do shooteth me, may his bullet strike my aged, rattling Windstop, to be replaced with a sturdier model from my local Stealership.

Lord, thank you for my new chromed-out Delouzebo headers and exhaust, and make them create such a great heavenly roar that it shattereth the subwoofers of the Monte Carlo playing Fiftycent cruising abreast me.

Let my Litronic high beams blind mine enemies --including my obnoxious neighbors whose 8 foot wooden fence egresses 4 inches over my lakefront property boundary line, and smite them dead. . . .However, Lord, if I ever find myself in Florida, then protect my Porsche from those sinners and thieves who wish to relieve me of my Litronic headlights.

However, Lord, if that thief attempts to steal those Litronics, then smite him dead with lightning, or a frayed positive lead wire from my battery.
But if he survives Lord, please prevent him from suing me for negligence because I own a Porsche and not a Ford. Let someone in my stead be sued, Lord, like the wire, battery, or Litronic manufacturers, and even Porsche AG, but by all means, keep me out of that Class Action.
And If my lawyer succeedeth not in removing me from said class action and my cross-claim fails in a motion for summary judgment, then Lord, let the jury come back with a No-Cause of action, and may the Judge award me attorneys fees for my distress. And striketh dead that Shyster lawyer for bringing me to this despair.

Finally, Lord I am thy servant, and through the ages you've bestowed upon your servants the sword and shield of thy wrath. . . . Lord, please emblazen my shield with the Porsche, Stuttgart/Zuffenhausen logo in gold and mahogony leaf overlay.

These things I ask you Lord, for you are great, my Porsche is Great, and I cannot yet afford a new Ferrari.

Amen.

OMG, Jeff....I almost fell of my chair laughing coz' after I read it, I found my two hands clasp together, like when you are actually praying and at the end I EVEN SAID Amen :o
oh yah, my co-worker thinks i'm going nuts :cheers: coz' i can't stop laughing..hehehehehe!

*may i ask a permission to print so I could post it in my desk and garage :D

LMAO, Jeff, I dont think it'll ever get better than that! LOL Ill say this prayer before i sleep and i before i pull out the garage.

Hey you should make those Laminate prayer cards that people clip to there sunvisor... they usually have a picture of a saint on it also.

For now, post it in a section of this forum so it wont ever be lost and will have its own thread.

a little tricky to read, but very nice, i liked that one

Suddenly it's clear to me why my attorney can never do the **************** I'm paying him to do in a timely manner.

Nice work on the prayer, though.

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Feel free to copy, distribute, quote, whatever. If you ever laminate though make sure to send me a copy.

Ooops, I forgot this.

"Dear lord, I am thy servant, and through the ages you've give your servants the sword and shield of thy wrath. . . .
. . . .Lord, please emblazen my shield with thePorsche, Stuttgart/Zuffenhausen logo. . . .Amen

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Easy Grizz. I'm just taking the time to pray. And I was thinking about your case at the same time. So I"ll only charge you time and a half, and give ten percent to tithe.

"THey don't hate lawyers and plumbers for nothing. . . ."

first thing tomorrow morning @ work...will print it out:)
That last one, really sealed the prayer for all of us!
*can't wait to show it to my Pastor :D

how the hell do u steal litronisc?

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Apparently it's the latest fad in Florida, according to our community posts.

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Look at my original post. I added the shield thing and made some corrections. Ronzi's line is so good that it deserves to be there as well.

Ronzi, you gave me the inspiration.

AMEN!!

Very nicely written and hillarious.

Now all we need is a few 986forum "models" to kneel infront of his/her car and we have got our very own Porsche prayer poster.

Any volunteers?

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I'm likint the ideas here. Maybe a hot model in a priest's rob, you know like Friar Tuck, to keep it humble yet quasi-secular. Or maybe a pastor's collar, hand's clasped.

NOw I've got to work on a NEW TESTAMENT version this weekend.

yap, same here! i like vijen's suggestion. why don't we ask dj if he could create one for us, i know he likes to tinker around computer graphics :) *here's the hint= maybe a pastor's collar, hand's clasped.[I][U]

oh yah, jeff...NEW TESTAMENT for the younger generation!



*i'm not really sure if we are commiting a sin here :eek:

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Is vijen capable of this? If so, let's take a look.
Vijen, WHAT DO YOU SAY AND WHAT CAN YOU DO?

SInning? Naaahhhhh!! Sinning would be making a Lamborghini Prayer, since God made perfection.

Is vijen capable of this? If so, let's take a look.
Vijen, WHAT DO YOU SAY AND WHAT CAN YOU DO?

SInning? Naaahhhhh!! Sinning would be making a Lamborghini Prayer, since God made perfection.
__________________________________________________ ____

Capable of photoshopping? Or modelling?

I do have some photoshop skill, as I work in web design, but as for the modelling .. better find yourself someone else.

All kidding aside though, any good photographer on this forum that can take a nice picture ?

of course photoshopping! what were you thinking when you said modelling, you know were too sexy for that...ahahahahaha!

so when are going for a drive, dude? unless you are too busy mod'ing your Boxster, you are excuse :D

i know a good photographer but not from this forum, a church member! let me know if you want me to contact him and what's for...coo!
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Capable of photoshopping? Or modelling?

I do have some photoshop skill, as I work in web design, but as for the modelling .. better find yourself someone else.

All kidding aside though, any good photographer on this forum that can take a nice picture ?[/QUOTE]

RandallNeighbor
 

RandallNeighbor, WHEre are you?!! We're awaiting your diving guidance!!

You get some tool to firmly grab the edges of the headlight and pull forward very hard, itll snap a peice of plastic off the sliding bracket... I know this cause i turnd my headlight removal tool the wrong way and snapped a peice off but the lamp still came out, I assume thats how it would be done.

The New Age Politically Correct Porsche Prayer.
 

The NEW AGE, politcially correct Porsche prayer.

Dear mother earth. We worship you because you begat us and no one and nothing else. We worship your dirt, trees and water for these are the elements of life.

Thank you for my newest Tofu colored Porsche given to me by my companion for the Winterfest. WE’ve just celebrated our 117th Sundial week anniversary. The keys were wrapped right under the Winterfest tree. My companion and I sang Winterfest songs, Drank winterfest egg nog made from organic chickens who were not slaughtered or used for cosmetic purposes, and ate winterfest cake baked in our sun oven.

Mother earth, forgive the streetcorner independent, unlicensed pharmaceutical distrubutors in the urban centers whom I roll up to on weekends in my Porsche, for they haveth no choice, b/c there’s no jobs out there because of that evil man in the Whitehouse. Except protect my independent, unlicensed pharmacuetal distributer who provides necessary temporary relief for these stressful times of unemployment, stockmarket depression, starvation and hate. After all, this is such a horrible country.

Bless my Medical Marijuana faith healer who also drives a porsche. And thank you for letting him provide me with legal prescriptions of Xanax, Nebutal, Vicodin and Oxicondin in full-strength 250mg tabs, 250 count, with 12 refills. I thank you for my healer, especially when my inner city pharmacuetical distributer is incarcarated for “crimes” aginst “society.”

Bless and protect all living things, but also bless my Porsche. Bless the leather seats which give me comfort and look great, and forgive the evil profiteering murderer who killed a cow to procure it. The good thing is I’m sure the leather came from an organic cow raised on natural grass with his own private bathing facilities. After all, the grain in the leather resembles the beangrass I make my tea out of.

Forgive the evil money hungy harmdoers who destroy the greenery of your earth. Forgive the loggers. And thank you for me and my companions new Loghouse.
Forgive the farmers who grow your greenery only to kill and exploit their product to sell at the markets. But thank you for my Pumpkin/Dandelion spice frappachino.

In the future please amalgamate a Prius and a Boxster so I feel better about driving to my Pilates classes. Forgive me for using a plastic cushion during those classes instead of pesticide-free-raised cotton. Plastic is a by-product of oil, and oil is simply evil. Somehow bless the makers of Prius’ even though battery production is caustic, involves child-slave labor, and devastates the enviroment. Your creation, Mother Earth.

Please get rid of all guns, weapons and violence, because they never solved anything except slavery, fascism and communism. However protect my bodyguard and please allow his pistol permit to be renewed for another 3 years like Rosie O’Donnell’s did.

Finally, Mother Earth, as I walk through thy forests on my hemp slippers, forgive all of those who say one thing and do another.

Amen.

I am here, my son. What doth thou needest now? :barf:

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OK Randall. I've obviously created some controversy here, but you being the man of faith, and considering the season right before Thanksgiving, can you give us an appropriate prayer for the season, our families and our Porsches? Remember, humorous but appropriate.

Am I the only one bothered by this thread?

i guess coz' your the first one who reply to it :eek: :p

what does bother you? by jeff asking publiclyabout prayer or you think it's demeaning to the prayer? just asking...no controversy needed (*flame suit on*) :)

Probably just that whole part about making light of a direct communication channel with God.

I think it's kind of silly, but it doesn't bother me. Of course, there's a lot of silly posts on this board that I don't read and no one is forcing members to read this one either.

Jeff, rest assured that I have already offered up a prayer for the members of this forum, your families and safety for our fine German automobiles. Consider that done. The exact prayer, however, need not be typed out here. Some would be offended because I didn't pray to their god or be inclusive enough or whatever. Let's not start a holy war on a nice boxster site like this!

I am thankful beyond words for my friends here. What brought us here was our common love and ownership of a car, but what keeps us here is the friendships we've formed, the banter we exchange and the help we offer one another. Yes, I have a lot to be thankful for this holiday!

Sorry, Jeff. Not funny, but it sure is heartfelt. You people are the best! :cheers:

I see :)

randall, thanks for the prayer and point well taken! now i feel guilty for being part of it...hehehehehe! it's jeff fault not me :matchup: just kidding :D

YOU, 986FORUM MEMBERS ARE THE BEST! WE'LL BE GONE FOR THE WHOLE WEEK, TAKING THE WHOLE FAMILY ON SO.CALI TRIP TO UNIVERSAL STUDIOS AND DISNEYLAND. MY 7 YEAR OLD SON IS PRETTY EXCITED ABOUT IT AND MY 15 & 19 CAN'T WAIT FOR US TO HIT THE ROAD....I'M GOING TO MISS YOU GUY'S :( HAVE FUN AND BE SAFE DURING THANKSGIVING HOLIDAY

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Thank you so much, Randall. Maybe this post can rest in peace now since I had you in mind when I started it.

To all of you out there, Happy Thanksgiving.