What to do about my Boxster
 

75mph on the interstate and the red LED on my temperature gauge starts blinking.
Before I can get to the next exit my check engine light (CEL) starts rapidly flashing.
I put it in neutral and coast off to the shoulder and the car shuts off and every light on the dash comes on.
I wait 30 minutes but the car will not turn over again, but it really wants to. It says "vrig-jig-jig-jig-jig-j-j-jig"

Please tell me what's wrong with my Boxcutter? Tell me what to do, I'll do it. I will jack this thing up and pull out whatever you want me to. I will buy parts, I will replace them.

(Please don't tell me I have to replace the engine. I will hunt you down and kill you. haha, just kidding... well not really)

Flashing CEL = Flatbed it to an experienced mechanic to properly diagnose the problem.

It was your car's way of telling you, "you are going to fast!" just kiddding.

have it towed to a good mechanic.

Get your hands on an OBD-II (On Board Diagnostics) reader and read out the CEL codes. Post them here and someone (many) will offer advice on what the code means and what to do next.

Dont waste your time reading CELs.

chances are with the failure you are describing, you'll be throwing every CEL in the book.

Think more fundamentally: you car overheated. What's the worst case scenario? over pressure in one of the water passages at or near the cylinders and a cracked case leaking water into the combustion chamber. Pull your plugs. Are they wet?

Why did your car overheat? Bad thermostat? Running low on coolant? Check your coolant. IF it isn't there, then where is it? Maybe it's In your cylinders... But hopefully not.

Sorry, but that is bad advice. Without reading the codes, he is going to be chasing his tail, with the codes he has some hope of finding out what is going on...........

Seeing that its a 99 and had a coolant light before a flashing CEL, I'd have to say its a cylinder failure. I'd be willing to bet.

Any noises when all of this was occurring?

If your engine caught fire and melted a bunch of sensors, thus throwing a dozen CELs, would you rush over to autozone to have your codes read? Instead you can simply read the flames coming from you engine. Likewise it would be far more telling to look for water in his cylinders before reading random OBD codes. There is no code for failed water jacket, in case you did not know ;)

If he reads a dozen related codes, he will end up chasing the chupacabra and possibly ignoring the more obvious and definitive symptoms I mentioned before.

The OBD system is meant as a supplement to automotive diagnosis and should not be used as a replacement for standard mechanical engineering experience.

And it would not be the first Porsche to do this and have a bad sensor, or some other non-fatal issue, as determined by reading the codes. In his case, he might not be so lucky, but it never hurts to look at all the available data, which is what I am suggesting. Every car that comes into my shop on a flat bed first gets a code scan before starting further diagnostics, even if there are no active MIL's; and quite often the scan points to a minor issue and the car is quickly on the road. Other times the news is not so good. But in any case, the car does not have to move, the engine does not have to be running, and you can download not only the thrown codes, but also the pending ones, as well as the final PID logs of the engines last running parameters (if you have a more advanced code tool); all in a few seconds and a little to no cost. Will it always tell you everything you need to know? Certainly not; but it usually is a good start...................

+1
Getting the error codes will speed the diagnosis by telling you which cylinder to check. ;) A simple tool the gives a great deal of useful information about the condition of the car without turning the engine over and risking further damage. I would also pull the dip stick and check the oil and coolant color before turning any wrenches.

excellent advice, being efficient is key.

I did so and they are taking their sweet little time. He said it's either a chains broke or I'm totally screwed.

I didn't hear anything strange but I had the music on. :ah:
can I buy one of those things?